


A Wish Come True

by hopeduckling13



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, Post 5x20, S5 Canon Divergence, major character death & resurrection, s5B canon divergence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2019-08-03 14:27:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 23
Words: 32,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16327724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeduckling13/pseuds/hopeduckling13
Summary: How quickly can your mood change from pure happiness to pure horror? In a millisecond.The day Killian and Emma found out they were true love, they were ecstatic. That is until, they were forced to say goodbye to each other. For forever.Or so they thought.Can they still manage to find their true love for each other after five years of seperation or is it too late?





	1. Chapter 1

 

**\--- EMMA’S POV ---**

Killian is holding me tightly in his arms and I can feel his breath on my neck. He’s massaging my head and my hair softly with his hand. His hook is pressed into my back. He holds me like his life depends on it, which is technically impossible right now.

He’s already dead after all. And there nothing I can do to bring him back to life. I can’t take him home with me. If I can even still consider the small New England town my home without him being there.

We’re saying our final goodbyes to each other. I’m about to lose him any minute now and it makes me cry even harder. I pull him closer to myself – if that’s possible at this point. His arms give me warmth – like he always does when he holds me. In his embrace I’m home and there’s no place I’d rather be. That’s why I never should’ve been afraid to move in with him. Deep down I know, that I’ve lived with him in my heart for longer than I can even admit to myself.

He wormed his way into my heart back in Neverland and with time he became my everything. I can’t imagine a life without him. I never wanted to. All I know is, that my life is going to suck without him by my side.

He was right back in Camelot. The future is nothing to be afraid of because as long as I have him, I know I’ll never get hurt. Not by him anyway. We’re a great team. We can get through anything, if we work together – everything but death itself, I suppose.

But now I’ll never get that white-picket fence life that we’ve planned to have back in Storybrooke. I’ll never get to figure out how our relationship would’ve continued – if we would’ve ever gotten married, if there would’ve ever been a miniature version of us running around the house. I’ll never even get to see him again after today. These are my last few moments with him and then that’s it.

At that realization another sob escapes my mouth. Until now, I’ve still held on to hope that we could find another way – like we always do. But there’s no saving him from this. I have to let him go.

Killian places a kiss on my temple. As he puts his cheek back on the side of my head, I can feel that there are tears streaming down his face like a river, too. That’s one difference between him and everyone else I ever dated. They were all jerks and couldn’t have cared less about me, but Killian does. My pain is his pain. He loves me with all his heart.

We’re true love after all. I still can’t quite believe that it’s actually true. I always hoped that we were, but like I said, I wasn’t sure – no one could ever be.

Earlier, when I put my heart on the scale and nothing happened, I could feel my heart shatter into a million pieces. It’s a similar feeling to what I feel right now. I was so disappointed and if I’m completely honest a little scared. It made me realize, that if Killian’s not my true love, I’m not his either. That’s when my insecurities started to kick in and I freaked out because that would’ve meant that somewhere out there might be his true love. And if she’s not me, that meant that someone could take him away from me. I could never live with that. I can’t lose him like I lost everyone else – it hurt unimaginably much when I lost them, and my love for them was only a tiny fraction compared to my love for Killian. I know losing him with no hope of getting him back would’ve destroyed me – and I suppose that’s what’s going to happen now.

I’ll never get to be happy again. I’m going to have one miserable life. It’s going to be like my life before Storybrooke – before Henry, before Killian. Only worse because now I know what happiness feels like and what I’m missing out on.

I know my family will try their best to help me and they might even succeed in making me smile from time to time. But that doesn’t change the fact, that I’ll be upset every day. I’ll be mourning Killian for the rest of my life.

Maybe it would’ve been easier, if we wouldn’t be true love. But I doubt it would hurt less. I’d have to deal with the fact that we’re not true love and that he’s really dead then. That might just be worse.

The only thing that really bothers me about the whole true love revelation is anyway only the false hope, that it gave me. I always knew false hope was the worst thing you could give anyone.

When those doors opened, I was over the moon, filled with joy. I figured that it not only means Killian is my true love, but also that he’s going to be able to come home with me.

But then the ambrosia was already dead, and all that hope was sucked out of me in the matter of a millisecond like I’m attacked by a vortex of evil.

Now all I have left is the knowledge, that Killian is my true love. But that’s all I have.

I won’t have him with me. Not ever again.

Just as much as he won’t have me here. Now I can only hope, that he’ll be able to move on and search for his brother. I don’t want him to be alone and sad. He deserves to have someone he loves in his life. He shouldn’t be stuck here, waiting for me to show up.

I pull back and look into his tear-filled eyes. They shine brightly, the blue more intense than ever. It’s like he’s my own personal ocean. No wonder he loves the sea so much. He’s pretty much it.

“You have to promise me something, too. Don’t let me be your unfinished business. Move on from here. Don’t wait for me to show up.” My sobs are getting heavier like the weight on my heart right now. I can’t even control them a little bit anymore. I’m sure I’m going to break down as soon as his arms leave my waist.

“Aye, love. I think I can manage that.” He tries to smile through the pain and tears, but I can see right through him. He only doesn’t want to upset me further. He’s trying to be strong for the both of us, even though this breaks him as much as it breaks me.

He doesn’t want to let go of me yet and neither do I want him to, but unfortunately, we both know that the portal won’t stay open for much longer. I have to get back to everyone else. This is goodbye.

Killian stares at me for a few more seconds like he’s trying to memorize my every feature. Then he takes my hand and pulls me over to the elevator. He opens it for me. I step in, even though it breaks my heart. I can feel my knees bucking, but I’m not falling – not yet. Not with Killian hand still in mine.

As he pulls down the gate of the elevator, I pause him halfway. I’m not ready for this to be over. This can’t be goodbye.

I know I said, that I’m not a tearful goodbye kiss person. I also said that I don’t know how to say goodbye, which I still don’t. But as I look deeply into his eyes, I know that I need to taste his lips just one more time.

So, I pull him to me. I’m not even sure if he didn’t start leaning in sooner or if I started it. All I know is that our lips connect for one last time. It’s a slow and tender kiss, saying all the words we haven’t said to each other – all the goodbye we are too upset to say. I put my hands in his hair and try to memorize how soft they are.

The kiss ends far too soon as another sob of mine breaks it. We keep our foreheads together for a little longer, breathing in each other’s breaths, hoping we could stop the time altogether and just stay in this moment for the rest of our lives.

But the depressing reality is, that this won’t last, and this really is goodbye. It’s over.

Killian pulls down the gate completely and I tightly grip his hand, not willing to let go. As the elevator begins to move upwards. I keep my eyes locked with Killian’s the whole time and grip his hand even tighter.

But eventually we can’t hold on to each other anymore. His hand slips out of mine in slow motion and he vanishes from sight. That’s the moment my legs stop to cooperate, and I crash to the cold floor of the elevator. I hug my knees tightly to my chest and cry loudly.

Until there is an earthshattering scream.

I open my eyes and realize, that the scream escaped my own mouth. I’m bathed in sweat and tears. It’s still dark outside. Nothing I’m not used to by now.

I turn to look at the alarm clock on my bedside table.

**_2:13 AM. May 1 st, 2021._ **

Today, it’s been exactly 5 years since that horrible day – the day my whole life changed for the worst and I lost the one person I truly love.

It’s been 5 years, but I’m still plagued with these nightmares every single day. Well, they’re memories rather than nightmares. Memories I’d rather forget. But I can’t chase them away. I’ve tried for years, but since Killian is not here anymore to make me feel safe, there’s no one to destroy the monsters in my head. They’re in control now.

I try to fall back asleep, but eventually realize that’s not going to happen. So, I just get up – not ready to face this awful day.


	2. Chapter 2

**\--- EMMA’S POV ---**

I leave the house early today, but I don’t go straight to the station like I would usually do. I might go there later. But for now, I’ll go to the cemetery to fulfil my tradition.

I’m wearing Killian’s big pirate coat. It’s so heavy, but I don’t care. It’s his, so it makes me feel sane and safe. It’s all I’ve got now, that I don’t have his arms around me anymore.

Every year on the anniversary of Killian’s death, I spend all day here. I don’t care how cold it is or how much it rains. I just sit here with him like I would do, if he was still in Storybrooke with me and I talk to him about all kinds of stuff.

I do go there to talk to his grave a lot more often than just once a year – it’s more like a thing I do every day during lunch break, but I never stay as long then as I do on the anniversary.

I know most people think I’m crazy and that I shouldn’t go here every single day. But I don’t care. I need this. I need him in any way possible. This is the only option I have to be with him, instead of looking at pictures of us.

Five years ago, my parents decided to get me to see Archie and I did go to him since they would have just continued to bug me about it for years otherwise. It didn’t help though. Not at all. Talking to the cricket only made me miss Killian more. Also, Archie thought that I should only go here like once a month in order to let go and accept what happened. The moment he said that, I walked out and never went back.

I don’t even get why I should accept this? It sucks. I won’t ever be able to let go of this – to let go of him. That would require the pain to lessen, but it never does. It just grows the more time we spend apart.

 

When I get to the cemetery, I set up a blanket to sit on in front of the grave. I got the blanket from the Jolly Rodger. His smell has long fainted since I wrap myself into it every night. Killian’s smell on it soothed me a little back then, but now that’s it’s gone, it just feels like he really is gone. I hate the feeling. Why can’t I be delusional and make myself believe he’s still here, holding me tightly?

I put a picture of Killian and I on the grave and a light a candle. It smells like the sea, which makes me think of him. It also calms me down a little. It’s why I slept on the Jolly Rodger the first nights after I had to leave him in the Underworld.

I sit there for quite a while then, not saying anything. I just stare at his grave with tears in my eyes and look at the picture of us – I focus on how happy we look together and try to fool myself into thinking, that I could will this happiness back into existence, but I can’t.

I take a sip of rum out of one of his flasks, before starting to talk to him.

“Hi, Killian. It’s been five year today since you…since I last saw you.” I know he’s gone. I’m at the fucking cemetery after all, but I still can’t bring myself to say the words out loud. I know, that if I would, I’d break down crying and no one would ever be able to pull me back up. This might sound a little too dramatic, but I’m sure it’s the complete truth.

“I miss you a lot. There’s not a day that goes by, that I don’t think of you.” I smile fondly at the memory of him uttering those words to me before we were separated by Pan’s curse. I knew that day, that he was genuine in his promise. I accepted that day, that he meant everything he said in Neverland. I wasn’t just a game to him or a price to be won. He wanted me for me because he loved me even then. I realized that I shouldn’t have been so stubborn and just accepted his feelings. The thing I regretted most, while crossing the town line with Henry and my yellow bug, was that we never got a chance to be together and how it’s solely my fault. For a moment I wished he could come with us to New York, but I knew it wasn’t possible and I never would’ve gone through with asking him either. I was still too scared then.

Now I’m thinking, that maybe I should’ve taken him along. He never came here by any curse after all, so maybe he could’ve left with me. I would’ve had the two most important people in my life with me in New York. No one would’ve taken me back to Storybrooke then and my memories wouldn’t even have returned. Most importantly Killian would still be alive and we could live happily ever after.

Now I have to live without him and it’s the hardest thing in the world.

Sure, I still have people who care about me. I have people who love me. But none of them are Killian. None of them can make me feels as much at home as Killian did.

I miss him more than words could ever explain.

It also sucks that I’m really all alone now. Killian is gone and Henry will be soon too. He might not die any time soon, but he’ll go to college and I’ll still be here, alone in this cold home.

The first tears begin to stream down my face and I know, that I won’t be able to stop now. Not for a few hours anyway. But in a way that only proves, that I kept my promise to him. I didn’t put all my walls back up again. I had no use for my armour anymore because deep in my soul his love still guided me through my life. There was no need to be guarded because in some way he was still my personal savior, ready to protect me whenever I needed protection. 

“I just wish you were still here with me. I never stopped loving you and I know that I will never stop. I tell you about my life all the time, but it all means close to nothing. Because I got to know you and am now aware that the best version of my life is with you. I can’t feel happiness like I used to, when you still were alive. You were my happy ending just as much as I was yours, but I lost you and now there’s nothing left, but just-” My voice chokes up and I stop speaking, I pick up the picture and hold it close to my heart. The place my heart is supposed to be anyway since the real thing is wherever Killian is right now. He’s got it and I know he’ll hold it forever.

“I wish you were back here with me. I love you.” I look at him in the picture and press a quick kiss onto his head, hoping that he can feel it. Wherever he is right now.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**\--- KILLIAN’S POV ---**

“Day 1826.” I mark that number in one of Liam’s old notebooks. It’s been exactly five years now since I last saw my Swan. She left the Underworld behind on the 1st May 2016 and I had to stay down here. She came here to save me, but there was no saving me from this – not this time. It’s probably because I don’t deserve saving. I don’t deserve anything because I failed my Swan.

The minute I became the Dark One, I turned back into a person I’m not proud of being. That’s cause deep down I am that person. I’m not an honourable man. I just made myself believe that because I wanted to be worthy of Emma’s love so badly. But I’m not. And she still loves me anyway, which shows just how much better she deserves.

She’s the best person I know, and she always should’ve been with someone, who would never use the whole being a Dark One thing as an excuse to be a bad person. I was weak and let the darkness get to me. I wasn’t like my Swan, who is so incredibly strong. She didn’t let the darkness control her once and she was a Dark One for longer than me.

I wish I could at least say, that I changed for the better after I stopped being the Dark One, but that’s not the case.

I made a promise to my Swan, when I last saw her – a promise I couldn’t keep. It wasn’t intentional. Not by a long a shot, but still. I told her, that I’d move on from this place, that I wouldn’t wait for her to show up. But I was wrong. I never moved on to a better place, I stayed here in the Underworld for five bloody years. Not by choice – but simply by the fact that I can’t move on.

At first, I thought I couldn’t leave this place because Hades was still alive in Storybrooke, threatening the woman I love more than anything else in the world. I had to find a way to help her then, a way to make him pay for what he did. So, I found the book pages about how to destroy a god and I send them through the Storybook to Emma. She got them and used them as a weapon against Hades. They won, while he lost, becoming a pile of ash.

Not that any of this was a surprise. I knew, that Emma could defeat every villain, that threatens her and the town. She’s the Savior after all – my Savior. She’s the strongest and fiercest woman I know. She was even powerful enough to make me want to be a better man again. It’s all because of her. She inspired me, and I love her so bloody much for it. The kind of love I have for her is incredible and it hasn’t faded even the slightest bit in the last 5 years. I don’t think it ever will – even if we never see each other again.

Hell, I kind of hope, we’ll never see each other again because that would mean, that Emma will go right to the better place. I don’t want her to be stuck here with me in the Underworld. She deserves better than that. She deserves the world and that’s the only way I can still give it to her, even if it hurts to know, that in that case, I’ll never get to see her again or hold her tightly.

I do selfishly wish, that she’ll come here eventually and we’re going to have one hell of a reunion – pun intended – and I know that’s wrong. But sometimes I can’t stop myself from wishing that very intensely.

I just miss her so bloody much, which is why I sort of have a tradition for the day I last saw her. Every year on May 1st I lock myself into the Captains quarters of the Jolly Rodger – usually I live in Emma and my house, even though it feels cold without her. But at least then I have some sort of connection to her since she probably still lives in the same house – just in a different realm. So, we sort of live together, which is soothing. It doesn’t make me miss her any less though.

Today I will spend the whole day at the Jolly with a candle and a drawing of my Swan. I will look at her all day and talk to her even though she can’t hear me. It’s sort of comforting.

When I get to my ship, I choose a drawing. I have a lot of them since in the beginning I could only cope, if I was able to get my mind of things. Also, I was kind of scared, that I’d forget what her face looks like as soon as some time passes. I couldn’t have that. Now I know it’s stupid because there’s no way I could ever forget her face. Everyone else’s maybe – they do fade from my inner eye a little more every day, but not Emma. She’s still as clear as water.

I light the candle and begin to speak. “Hello, love. I miss you a lot. It’s been five years now – five long years without you. The worst thing is, that I know it’s likely I’ll never see you again. You’ll move on before even going here. I hope you will. And I’m just stuck here because of that tiny flicker of hope, that refuses to die out. Every day I hope, that I’ll find some magical way back home to you, but it never works. I wish that would stop me from searching every day, but that’s not the case. I doubt it will ever be that way. I just love you too much to let you go, which is probably why I can’t move on. I know I promised to leave this place instantly. And I apologize again for failing you. I hope you can forgive me. I suppose I’ll have to be ready to let you go before I can move on, but I can’t let you go. It’s like Camelot again just with the roles reversed.”

I smile, even though it’s not the happiest memory. I was dying after all and then became the Dark One. Those actions lead to our situation now: my real death.

But ever since I lost Emma, every memory of her can make me happy. Just remembering how loved she made me feel is enough because I know I don’t have her here with me.

“I guess what I want to say is, that I wish I could keep up my promise to you, but I wont be able to do it. But who knows, maybe that’s a good thing and it’ll lead to us meeting each other again one day. I love you, Swan.”

I look deeply into her eyes. Quickly I pull the sheet of paper to my lips and kiss the illustration of her forehead, thinking _I love you so much, my Swan. Don’t ever forget that._

A weird poof happens, the ship shakes for a moment, but whatever caused it can wait. No one is interrupting my day with Emma. I don’t need a second version of the dwarves or it could even be one of them. Maybe their stupid experiments finally caused one of them to kick off.

I keep ignoring what happened for the next few minutes, until something else seems odd. The ship rocks lightly and I hear some waves crashing into the walls. Also, are those seagulls? How the bloody hell is that possible? There are no waves or birds in the Underworld – there’s nothing alive down here.

At least there haven’t been any waves in the past five years. It’s one of the reasons I feel so miserable here besides the obvious lack of Emma’s presence: the water doesn’t move and there’s no wind over the ocean, which makes it impossible to sail with my ship. It always felt like some sort of a personal unhappy ending, created specifically for me. So, how are there waves suddenly?

I break my tradition and walk out onto the deck, even though it’s not even late yet.

I look around and was definitely not prepared for what I discover. The water does move again and the sky isn’t orange either. That must mean what I think it means, right? I can’t be in the Underworld anymore.

I’m back in Storybrooke, but why? Oh, forget it. I don’t really care why I’m here, I’m just glad I am. I shouldn’t waste any time now. I should go to Emma instantly. She’s probably the reason I’m here anyway. She must have figured out some sort of resurrection spell.

So, off I go towards Granny’s. It’s approximately dinner time, so I know Emma will most likely be there, eating grilled cheese with onion rings.


	4. Chapter 4

**\--- EMMA’S POV ---**

 

Around dinner time, I leave the cemetery and go to Granny’s to order some food for me and my family. Dad’s still at the Sheriff’s station, so I decided to take over for him. There hasn’t been much crime I the last five years, so it’s enough when one of us works. As soon as I get to the station, dad can go home to mom and Neal. They can have dinner.

I know my dad doesn’t like staying at the station for too long since he doesn’t want to miss out on normal family life – like he did when I was a kid and they were cursed. I don’t mind working late into the night since that at least keeps my thoughts a little bit away. So, my dad and I are kind of a great team. That’s probably why we never bothered to get a deputy.

My dad likes going home in the evening and I’m always in need of a distraction for late nights – and the day too, if we’re being completely honest here – that’s ever since Killian’s death and today that need is even bigger than usual because the pain is far more intense, if that’s even possible at this point. I was never really into anniversary’s, but now I know that they do mean something. Because every year, I feel worse about it all and I mentally go back in time and it feels like leaving him in the Underworld all over again. That’s how I know that I’ll never be completely ok again.

I can’t even really remember a time, in which I wasn’t hurting. I know it was that way when Killian was still alive, but that seems lightyears away. I can’t really remember what it felt like to be happy.

 

As soon as I walk into the station, my dad gets up from his desk and walks over to me. I set the takeout food down. He looks at me with a mix of sadness and pity. It’s a look I’ve seen way too many times. My dad then wraps me tightly into his arms, caressing the back of my head.

Ever since Killian died, everyone has been pitying me 24/7. They always act all careful and odd, when I’m in the room, treating me like I’m made of glass and will break the second someone says something insensitive. They are afraid to continue on their normal lives in my presence – they are terrified to hurt me even more than I’m already hurting.

And then there’s also the side of the story, in which Killian’s loss affected everything and everyone in this town in some way.

I know I always forget it, but I’m not the only one who lost a loved one that day five years ago. It did affect me the most, but that doesn’t mean that no one else was hurt. My dad lost the closest thing he had to a best friend. He’d never admit it to anyone, but they were very close friends. They’ve cared a lot about each other and then there’s also the fact that my dad cares a lot about me. He had to go through seeing me get heartbroken, too. The same kind of goes for my mom, even though she wasn’t as close to Killian. She did love him for making me happy though.

And then there’s Henry. It was traumatic enough for him to see me kill Cruella, but me killing Killian with Excalibur was worse. He cared about Killian, unlike with Cruella. I know I had no other choice but to use Excalibur to get rid of the darkness, but Henry never should’ve had to witness it. He was only 13 back then and it did break him a little – a part of him will never be the same.

I’ll never forgive Regina for letting him see that. She has magic, so she should’ve taken him away as soon as she realized what was going on.

Henry never should’ve had to watch someone he loves die. And he did love Killian – I could see it in his eyes when I told him, that Killian had to stay behind. He was wrecked then, trying hard not to cry and Henry isn’t really a crier usually. He lost the closest thing to a dad he ever had since he never got to spend any real time with Neal.

In a way he also lost me that day. The old me anyway – the one who wasn’t as broken as she is now. Sure I was pretty damaged when I met Henry, but then I changed for the better. I had love in my life for the first time and it fixed me just a little bit more every day. I’ll always be grateful, that I got to know my son. He fixed me, and later on my parents and Killian followed suit and did the same thing. With Killian I became more normal, I suppose. I let go of my walls and was able to trust people again, after everyone always let me down in the past.

Both my family and Killian made me a happier person, who was able to love. But now that I’ve lost Killian, my walls are kind of back. I know I’ll never let anyone as close to my heart as I did Killian.

I am even more wary of everything now and sometimes my closed-off-ness makes me feel like a bad mother. Then, I just feel like Henry deserves better than me, and he probably does.

“Are you alright, Emma?” my dad’s voice drags me out of the deathly spiral of my own thoughts. He let go of me and is now only holding both my hands, still looking at me with worry written all over his features.

I shake my head. At first, I tried to act all tough and ok five years ago, but I’ve long since realized that lying doesn’t help at all. If anything, it just makes everyone pity me more, which is something that drives me crazy. So, I stopped pretending to be fine because everybody – including myself – knows that I’ll never really be okay again. Losing Killian just kind of shattered a piece of my soul, and there’s no fixing it.

My dad pulls me into his arms again. I lie my head on his shoulder and sigh. I hold back the tears, that are already forming in my eyes. I’ve cried enough today.

I was never really a person, who cried a lot. But when I met Killian and he opened up my heart to love, I got more vulnerable. I wasn’t scared anymore to show my true feelings. And that’s one thing that has stuck, even though the love of my life is gone.

That thought brings me a little bit of happiness. It proves that I did keep my promise to Killian – a little bit at least. I didn’t put all my walls up again – just some of them.

I loosen my arms around my dad and eventually let them fall to my side. We both pull away from each other and I give him a weak smile to let him know I’ll be okay – I won’t be, but I also don’t want him to worry, so pretending just this once it is.

“You should go home, dad. I’ve got the station under control. I brought some food from Granny’s for mom, Neal and you. Go enjoy it with them.” I lift one of the takeout bags and give it to him.

“You sure you don’t want to join us? You shouldn’t be alone – not today of all days.” He says softly.

I shake my head again. “No thanks, dad. You know I need busy work to keep me from thinking and being sad. I really just want to be alone right now. Give mom and my little brother the best greetings from me.”

“Ok. If busy works helps, busy work it is.” He picks up his jacket and gives me a kiss on the head. “We love you, Emma. And if you need your family, you can always come over, alright? I don’t care how late it is. If you need us, we’ll be there for you. Our door is open.”

I nod, and dad leaves the station, not missing his chance to give me one last worried glance before he steps through the door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was originally Chapter 4, but I added another in between the last two updates, which is now Chapter 4.

**\--- KILLIAN’S POV ---**

As I walk through the quiet town, I ignore all my surroundings. I don’t want to waste any time now. The faster I walk, the faster I’ll be able to hold my Swan tightly in my arms again.

It’s just too good to be true. So, I still sort of think that this must be a trick or a dream, but it feels too bloody real for that. It’s probably more like there’s a price to be paid. I don’t really care what it is. Anything would be worth having Emma back in my life, so whatever it is, I’ll gladly pay it. And right now, I also don’t care whether this might only be temporary – I’ll savour every second with my Swan either way.

I believe that even the possibility of seeing Emma again is already the greatest thing that’s happened to me in a long time – even if this isn’t real in the end – all that matters right now is that it feels real to me for the time being.

When I arrive on Main Street, I figure that at this time of day Emma’s most likely at Granny’s to have dinner, so that’s where I walk first.

I walk into the quiet diner and there are a lot of people. That’s so weird. How can people like the food here? I only put up with it for my love. She loves the grilled cheese and onion rings here, so she gets to eat them as often as she wants. I only want her to be happy.

I scan the room, my eyes first landing on our usual booth, but it’s empty. Emma isn’t anywhere else in the small diner either.

Someone walks through the door behind me and I’m instantly hearing Ruby’s voice. It’s nice to know she’s back in Storybrooke. “Granny, are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She says to her grandmother. I look across the room and my eyes meet Granny’s. Seems like Ruby’s words can be taken quite serious in this case. They probably think I am a ghost or something.

The old woman walks away from the counter and approaches me and Ruby, who has still not realized that I’m standing next to her. Maybe I do am just a ghost, who can only be seen by some people. I’m hoping that at least Emma can see me. I don’t really care about everyone else.

When Granny stands in front of us, she pinches me. That is when Ruby sees me too. They both say in unison “Killian? How are you here? You’re dead!”

“I suppose I’m not dead anymore. I have no idea why and I don’t particularly care. All I want to know is whether you know where Emma is.”

Both of them look at me with pity, which is weird. I am back. That’s great, right?

“You just missed her. She was here and picked up dinner for her and David, so I suppose she’s at the Sheriff’s station now.” Granny says.

I suppose there’s more since they wouldn’t pity me for this. But I don’t care right now. I have other priorities. Emma’s location was all I needed to hear, so I leave as soon as the words leave Granny’s mouth. I know it’s quite rude of me, but I’m desperate to see Emma. Who could blame me for it? I love her, not everyone else in this town. Also, I haven’t seen her in five years! That’s like bloody forever. It felt like that anyway.

With newfound purpose, I make my way towards the Sherriff’s station and even though I’m running, it feels like time has stood still. I can’t wait to see my Swan. Now I’d really like to go back to being a Dark One for a second. At least back then I could teleport because I had magic. If I was still the Dark One, I would already hold Emma in my arms. I’d get to tell her right this moment how much I love her and how badly I missed her these past five years.

 

After what felt like eternity, but was probably just a minute or less, I finally arrive at the station. I walk inside, but instantly come to a halt in the hallway. Another guy is here – someone I don’t know. He’s got flowers in his hand and walks into Emma’s office with determination. Did she quit or something and there’s a new sheriff?

But Granny said she’d be here, so how is that possible?

I follow the stranger quietly, making sure he doesn’t hear me. When he’s inside, I look through the window in the door. Emma is indeed here.  She slightly smiles at the man and he gives her the flowers and kisses her cheek, before pulling her into a hug. And she lets him hug her, actually placing her head on his shoulder. And this doesn’t seem to be some rare, uncomfortable action for her. She’s used to this, which means it happens a lot.

They also talk to each other, but I can’t register any of the words being said over the loud, rapid beat of my heart.

Before I know what is really happening, I walk outside. I can’t watch this any longer. I need some air.

 

I don’t know how I managed it, but I eventually end up back on my ship.

There I sit back down at the table in my quarters and look at the drawing of my Swan – well at the person who used to be _my_ Swan anyway. Now she’s just Emma to me. She’s someone else’s Swan from now on – a far better man than me, I’m sure.  A man without a dark past. Someone who wouldn’t treat her like crap as soon as he has some darkness implanted into his soul.

I know I should be happy for her. I did tell her to never put back on her armour, but I guess I just never pictured someone else winning her heart. We’re true love after all, so I always assumed, that there’s no one else we could fall in love with after meeting each other.

I do am glad, that Swan obviously didn’t have to be alone and miserable the last five years like I did, but it still hurts. This is worse than any of Hades’ torture methods ever were, even worse than the moment I had to let Swan go in the Underworld. My heart is shattering into a million pieces and I don’t know whether it’ll ever heal because the only person who is capable of fixing it, is not my love anymore.

This is the price of my presence here in Storybrooke, isn’t it? I got to come back home with the downside being that this place doesn’t like home anymore – not by a long shot because I just lost my Swan for the third time, if you count my death in the alternate reality and my real death.

And isn’t there a saying about three always being the final chance? Looks like I’ve used up all of my chances already and all I have left now is to move on.


	6. Chapter 6

**\--- EMMA’S POV ---**

 

As soon as David left, I sat down on my desk, totally intending to lose myself in boring paper work. If I focus on said work hard enough, I should be able to forget all about my troubles – if only the paperwork would be more interesting. Then it’d be guaranteed that I would think about something else than the anniversary of Killian’s death.  

But well, at least work does give me space from my house. I know it’s ridiculous, but I hate living there now. It’s not right. Killian chose it for me and him to live in, but we never got that chance. He didn’t live in that house for a single day, but I could still never move away, either, because in a way it is a small part left of the future Killian and I never got to have.

As much as I hate living in that house – how much it depresses me to live there without Killian. It still makes me feel connected to him in a small way and that’s all that counts to me.

I know I shouldn’t hold on to any small thing, that reminds me of Killian in some way, but I can’t help it. I just miss him so badly. I doubt I could live without all those tiny reminders of him.

I sigh and think to myself. _Stop it._ _You came here to work, so that you can forget your sadness for a little while. So, stop thinking about him. You know thinking about him, just makes everything worse because you miss him more every second._

~ ~ ~

I know it’s hard, but after a while I realize, that I did end up finishing some paperwork – no matter how tiny the amount of it is. That’s also when I’m interrupted by a soft knock on my door. I look up and see Carter, walking into my office.

Honestly, I forgot all about him. I can’t remember, when I last thought about him, but it was definitely not today. Also, why is he here? I told him, that I needed space today – that I didn’t really feel like seeing him on the anniversary of Killian’s death.

But oh well, not thinking about Carter for a whole day isn’t new to me. It happens quite frequently, actually. Sometimes I wonder why I am with him anyway – I mean sure he’s a nice enough guy – but the reason I started dating him at all was because of my mom. Two years ago, she decided, that I had ‘to get out there’ again – in the world of dating, I suppose. She was annoying as hell. I told her almost daily, that I didn’t intend to ever date again because there’s just no replacing Killian. There really isn’t. It’s like my dad once said, once you found true love, you should hold on to it since there is no replacing it.

But as usual that didn’t stop my mother from setting me up with her work friends – one of them being Carter.

I eventually just gave in because my mom was driving me insane, so I agreed to go on a date with Carter. We have been dating ever since. Not because I’m actually interested in him, but because it keeps my mother’s matchmaking hobby far away from me. This way she focused more on other single people in Storybrooke, and not so much on me anymore.

She is still bugging me occasionally, bragging about how great of a decision of hers Carter was and how she thinks I’m grateful to her. I never had the heart to tell her, that my relationship is a big fat lie. Neither was I in the mood, to be set up on dates by her again.

I know the ‘fake’ relationship on my part is not really fair to Carter, but I can’t bring myself to care much about that.

As Carter approaches me, I notice, that he has flowers in in one hand and that he smiles brightly, but carefully at me. “Hi, are you ok, babe?” he asks, while giving me the flowers and planting a kiss on my cheek.

I flinch at the ‘babe’ part. I was never really a fan of pet names. Especially not this one. I did say it to Killian once, but that was different. With Killian everything was different. For example, I always loved it, when he called me ‘love’ or ‘Swan.’ But with everyone else, I mentally start digging their graves as soon as they call me by a pet name. It’s just not endearing at all.

“Thank you.” I look at the flowers, ignoring the part about my feelings. It’s obvious anyway, right? I mean, why would I be in a good mood on the anniversary of my true love’s death?

I mean Carter being here today is already such a stupid feeling because it’s a reminder of the future Killian and I will never have.

Also, I just wish everyone would stop asking me how I feel every second of every day. I know it just means, that I have great friends and family, who care deeply about me, but I’m still sick of it, so…

“Why are you here?” I ask.

“Well, your mother called. She said you were upset and all alone at the station, so I thought I should check up on you. Maybe take your mind off things.” He says softly, before pulling me into his arms. I put my head on his shoulder and wrap my arms around him in return. It’s moments like these, that make me feel guilty as hell.

On the one hand I feel incredibly guilty because for me it feels like I’m somehow betraying Killian by being with Carter. I know he said, that shouldn’t close up my heart again and let people in, but I’m not sure this is what he meant by it. Sure, he’d probably be happy for me – if this actually was a meaningful relationship to me, but that doesn’t change the fact that I feel terrible for this. If my mother wasn’t such a huge pain in the ass, I never would’ve gone along with this so-called relationship.

On the other hand, it’s because Carter is a great guy and he seems to really care about me. He deserves someone who cares about him in that way – and that person definitely isn’t me because I’ll never fall in love with him. My heart belongs to Killian forever. There’s no real moving on from what we had. I don’t even want to move on.

I do care about Carter in some way. He is very understanding about my love for Killian – to an extent. He has been a great friend to me in these almost past two years – but that’s all I’ll ever feel for him. Friendship. Someone to cheer me up, when the pain gets too intense to deal with. But nothing more than that.

I’ll have to tell him that eventually. But I keep delaying it because I don’t want to break his heart by telling him the truth, which is that I never loved him to begin with.

I know I should tell him though. He thinks we are super serious. I mean he proposed to me four times in the last six months and I always made up some lame excuse as to why I can’t marry him. The excuses were apparently so bad, that they motivate him to ask again and again.

The first time I told him, that we only knew each other for one and a half years and that we were going too fast. Another difference between Carter and Killian – if they’re comparable at all – is that after Killian and I dated one and a half year, which is approximately the length of our whole relationship, I would’ve considered his proposal. I do have to admit, that I thought he was proposing in Camelot, when he pulled out his ring after all. I would’ve said yes right there and then, but alas he did not ask. There was always a little bit of disappointment in the back of my mind ever since that day. I wish he would’ve asked.

Not that it would’ve really mattered or made any difference at all – it wouldn’t have stopped his death. I still would’ve lost him. It might’ve even hurt more, if we were indeed engaged by the time he died.

The second time Carter proposed, I declined with pretty much the same thing, adding that I doubt Henry would be ready for me to get married to someone I only dated a year and a half. That backfired in the way, that Carter suddenly wanted to hang out with Henry. Henry wasn’t too thrilled about it. I can’t lie to him after all, so he knows that I don’t really love Carter. That makes it possible for him to be 100% honest with me, without hurting my feelings. Henry doesn’t like Carter too much because according to him he’s boring.

The third and fourth time didn’t work out better either. I just hope, that he’s done with proposing for now. Otherwise I will have to break his heart, even though I hate to even think about it.


	7. Chapter 7

**\--- KILLIAN’S POV ---**

I wake up the next day with a picture of Emma in my hand. I do remember looking at it before falling asleep. I must have fallen asleep, while doing so and then held on to it tightly throughout the whole night. Luckily, I didn’t crumble it. I’d hate to destroy it since it’s all I had of Emma for the past 5 years and it didn’t break.

Looking at that picture of her before falling asleep is almost as calming as holding her in my arms, knowing she’ll be the first thing I see in the morning. We might have never lived together – I did choose a house for us to live in with the young lad. But we never got to live there together because of the whole being-a-Dark-One thing and my death.

I do know this from nights she spent with me at Granny’s or later on my ship though.

It also reminds me of the time in Camelot. She was the Dark One and didn’t need any sleep, but often she’d still snuggle close to me, so that I could hold her throughout the night.

All those nights I slept more peaceful than ever before. Because I had my Swan in my arms, but now I don’t anymore. I haven’t gotten to sleep next to her in five years and I’ll never get to do it again.

So, on some days looking at a picture of Emma is all that can get me to calm down enough to fall asleep.

And I suppose it’s all I have of her now, even though I’m back in Storybrooke. I still lost her. I’m not an important part of her life anymore. Now I’m just someone she used to know.

Sure, she’s probably going to be happy I’m back in some way, if she ever finds out. She’ll want for us to be friends, but I don’t know if I can do that. It’ll hurt so much knowing, that she’ll never love me again like I love her. I don’t think I’m capable of just being her friend.

But if this is the only way I can be in her life, then I should take it, right? I don’t really want to miss her anymore like I did in the Underworld. Being apart is just too much to take.

I really am back from the dead, right? It wasn’t just a dream – or a nightmare to be exact since I lost my love once again? I didn’t imagine all that happened yesterday, did I?

I get out of bed and climb onto the deck. The sun is shining brightly, and the waves are crashing against the Jolly Rodger. The light is natural and not all red, so yeah, I am back in Storybrooke. For a moment I was hoping it might be a nightmare. It would’ve probably been good for my ego because then I could just pretend, that Emma never fell in love with someone else after my death – that for her the last five years felt like they did for me – full of misery and sadness.

Thinking that way is selfish and wrong though. It’s actually completely ironic too since I did wish all those years, that she was somehow still happy, even if she lost me.

I go back below deck, not being able to handle the joyful weather any longer. It doesn’t match my mood at all. Yesterday it would’ve for a small amount of time – the moment I first got back and realized, that I was going to see Emma again. I did see her, but we didn’t quite have the amazing reunion I had in mind, which shouldn’t surprise me. When it comes to Emma and me, nothing ever really goes as planned. We always had to fight for our relationship, and now I suppose we lost that fight.

I sigh. Thinking about Emma is so hard now. It splits my soul into two because I do love her a lot, but unfortunately that doesn’t help me right now. I still lost her, even though I came back to her.

Every single instinct in my body right now is telling me to just go to her and to fight for her. I won her heart one time before, and I know I can do it again.

But I know I shouldn’t do this.

She seemed happy with that guy and I don’t want to take that away from her. I don’t want to cause her any kind of pain. She’s been through enough, so I should just leave Storybrooke and never come back. She wouldn’t know that I was ever here and Granny and Ruby would probably just assume, that they are insane. They’d just think, that they’ve seen a ghost.

That way Emma can just simply live her life – a peaceful one without any kind of difficulties.

Suddenly I hear some sounds and steps. Someone is definitely on my ship, walking on my ships deck. Who the bloody hell would dare step foot on my ship without an invitation?

Please tell me, that I don’t have to fight someone for my ship – that it is still mine and wasn’t stolen from me during my visit in the Underworld.

I’m not really in the mood for a fight right now, but I must say, that I will do whatever it takes to defend my ship. The Jolly Rodger kind of is the only thing I have left in Storybrooke, now that Emma is gone from my life. I couldn’t bear to lose her, too.

In the past my ship was my home – and also a reminder of Liam and Milah. But then I met Emma and she became my home in a way. That’s why I had no problem to sacrifice my ship for her – the possibility of seeing her again being greater than living on my ship.

That’s why the Jolly Rodger is now also a reminder of my Swan – a happy one of the time we were still together. Being here just sends me back in time – much like our time travel adventure quite a few years ago.

As I step foot onto the deck of my beloved ship, I pull out a sword, which is hanging from the top of the stairs. I keep it there as a secret weapon in case of a surprise intruder.

I look around before my eyes eventually land on someone. He stands close to the railing and watches the waves as they crash against _my_ ship.

I step closer. The intruder not even realizes, that I stepped foot on the deck. I know my way around my ship. I know where to walk, so that there are no noises.

Or maybe I do am a ghost and Granny and Ruby seeing me was a delusion of mine. I might have gone mad in the past five years, which I spent in hell – literally, even though any place without my Swan could qualify as hell.

“Who bloody dares to step foot onto my ship without my permission?” I yell angrily, pointing the sword towards the intruder and putting the tip of it on his back.

He freezes for a second and shakes his head slightly, before lifting up his arms and turning around quickly. His eyes grow larger by the second.

“H-Hook?” He asks in disbelieve.

I instantly let the sword fall to the floor at the sight of Henry.


	8. Chapter 8

**\--- Henry’s POV ---**

 

I jump up in bed. Bathed in sweat. My heart pounding violently against my chest.

This is far from being the first time I wake up from a nightmare ever since that day five years ago.

Somehow, I’m alright after seeing all the crazy stuff that’s happened in Storybrooke since my mom broke the curse – all the villains, trying to destroy us and our happy endings, all the monsters. But watching Hook die right in front of me – my mom being forced to stab him – her true love – was too much, I suppose.

I can’t even count how many times I relived that fateful day in my sleep and it doesn’t stop affecting me. Not in the slightest.

I know I should probably talk to someone about it. Back during the original curse, I talked to Archie and it helped me. It made everything easier. I was able to think better there and therefore always managed to form plans to make my mom believe. I’m not saying they were good plans, that worked in the slightest, but still. They would’ve works, if she wasn’t so stubborn. At least what I like to tell myself.

So maybe, I should get help again.

But I just can’t. I don’t even want to. Not really. There’s nothing to talk about now. At least there’s nothing I want to talk about.

I wouldn’t even know where to begin.

I do sometimes mention my feelings about my grief to Violet – she’s been a great help to me. I love her a lot for it. But even she doesn’t know the extent of these dreams.

I kind of told her I have the dreams once every few months, which was a big fat lie. But I don’t want her to worry, so I do this to protect her – at least that’s what I like to tell myself.

With everyone else, I just don’t think talking to them would be a good idea. Because they might tell my mom and I don’t want to worry her, either. She’s been in enough pain to last a lifetime. I don’t want to cause her any more of it by letting her know that I can’t deal with Hook’s death on my own – not even five years later.

I miss him a lot.

I know we weren’t actually related to each other, which is quite the shocker in this town, but I still loved him a lot. We were pretty close.

He was like the dad I never had. He was always treating me well and I could tell, that he didn’t just hang out with me because he wanted to impress my mom – like that stupid monkey in New York. What was his name again? I guess he wasn’t that important. It’s not like he was ever good enough for my mom anyway. He didn’t even make her that happy since I could always tell, that something was missing from her live or rather someone.

Hook.

And now he’s gone again and this time it’s final.

I miss him more and more every day, I realize. Whoever said, that time heals all wounds, was a big fat liar. It’s been five years and I feel possibly worse.

Hook genuinely cared about me. I even knew that deep down, when I didn’t have my memories after the second curse was broken. I did choose him as my babysitter then after all over my grandparents. And that wasn’t just because he showed me cool card tricks. I enjoyed spending time with him altogether.

He also helped me, when my actual dad died. He told me a lot about him. It’s actually quite funny, that I kind of miss Hook more, than I do my own father. I guess it’s because I was never happy with how my dad treated my mom. She deserved better than him. She deserves someone’s unconditional love – and not someone who is only there for her when it suits them.

Hook was good for her. He loved her more than anything and the feelings was quite mutual. She was so happy whenever she was with him and then her happy ending was taken away from her.

It’s just not fair.

She had to go through so much pain all her life because everyone always abandoned her – grandma and grandpa, August, my dad and the list goes on and on.

Why couldn’t fate just let her have this happiness for once? Why can’t she just be happy for once without getting her heart broken in the meantime.

Anyway, I get up and get ready for school.

Once I’m all done, I grab my backpack and walk downstairs. I greet my other mom, before attempting to leave.

“Henry. Where are you going? It’s far too early. You normally don’t leave for another half hour. Join me for breakfast.” Mom says, before I can sneak out the door.

“Sorry. I can’t. Science project. I promised Violet I’d arrive early, so we can work on it before class starts.” I answer with a shrug.

Mom gives me an annoyed look. She isn’t too fond of Violet, I’ve noticed. But I don’t care about that. I love her and that’s all that matters. “Okay. Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

I leave the house and sigh in relief. Luckily, she isn’t a human lie detector like my other mom.

No one can know, where I’m about to go. Then I’d also have to talk to them about the nightmares and since I don’t plan to do that, this is my secret.

Every time I have these weird flashback dreams, I go to the Jolly Rodger before school. It somehow calms me down. I don’t know if it’s the water or if it’s the fact that the ship makes me feel closer to Hook even though he’s gone. Probably the latter.

When I get there, I stand at the railing in peace, watching the ocean in awe. That is until I can hear footsteps behind me. Soon enough I hear a voice I never thought I’d hear again. This can’t be possible, right? He’s dead. I’m actually going insane, right?

“Who bloody dares to step foot onto my ship without permission?”

Then I feel the tip of a sword pinching my back. I can’t imagine this, right?

I slowly lift my arms up and turn around to confirm my suspicions. And as expected I’m faced with Hook, who’s dropping the sword to the floor as soon as he sees me. It really is him. He looks exactly like he did five years ago. Those are even the same clothes.

“H-hook?” I stutter out. Please don’t let this be a dream. “H-how is the p-possible?”

“It appears I’m back, my boy.” He smiles at me and I run into his arms. He seems surprised by gesture, but it doesn’t take him long to wrap his uninjured arm around me, patting my back with his hand.

“I don’t understand. How are you here?” I ask him, while not knowing whether to cry or laugh right now. I’m just so damn happy.

Hook is back and now everything will be okay again. I will be happy again and so will my mom. Carter will finally be gone. I can’t wait for that.

“I don’t exactly know that either, Henry. One moment I was in the Underworld and the next I was here in Storybrooke. Maybe it has something to do with the anniversary of my death yesterday…maybe the dead ambrosia worked, but it just took five years. I don’t know.”

“Wait, you’ve been back since yesterday? Why didn’t you come home last night?” I ask. He wouldn’t be here, if he went home. There’s no way mom would let him go anywhere without her, if she knew he was back.

I look expectantly at Hook, and he seems to debate whether he should tell me or not. He’s very hesitant and opens and closes his mouth multiple times.

“I just didn’t.” he finally says, sadness laced into his voice.

And that’s when it hits me. Oh shit. He probably knows about that no-good Carter. And he seems to believe, that they are serious, which they definitely aren’t – unless you ask Carter himself.

“Oh, no. You know about Carter, don’t you?”

He nods.

“I didn’t mean to keep anything from you, Henry. I just wasn’t sure, if you knew.”

“You need to go to mom now and tell her you’re back. She’ll be so damn happy to see you.”

Hook shakes his head softly. “No. I think it’s better if I stay away Henry. It’s the right thing to do.”

“But she loves you! You can’t just give up. They’re not even serious – not in the slightest.”

“Didn’t look that way to me.” He sighs. A pained expression covering his whole body.

I need to get him to mom someway. They deserve to be happy and the only way for them to be happy is to be together. They’re true love – I mean Hook said himself, that he thinks the ambrosia might’ve worked. That’s all the prove we need.

Hook always fought for my mom and their relationship. I’ve never seen him this down. Not even when he first got to Storybrooke and was still trying to kill my grandfather.

What the hell did that idiot Carter do to make Hook so hopeless?

Oh no.

He did not. Not again. Right?

“Please tell me he didn’t propose again?”

“No, why? Did he before?”

“Like four times.”

Hook’s eyes begin to shine even more. They always get incredibly light, when he’s sad. He’s completely broken by all this. He probably thinks, that mom doesn’t love him anymore, which is the most wrong thing I’ve ever heard. I need to fix this for both of their sakes.

Luckily, I got here, before Hook could do something stupid like skip town or something.

He wouldn’t have done that, right?

“See, Henry. That’s what I’m talking about. It is serious, so I’ll back off. Emma doesn’t need me confusing her. She deserves to be happy – even if it’s with someone else. You’ll see one day, Henry.”

I sigh.

No wonder him and my mom get along so well. They’re the most stubborn people ever.

“Don’t you get it? He asked her _four_ times and she said _no_ each time. Because she doesn’t love him. She only loves you, so please, go to her and make her happy again. It’s been awful these past five years. I don’t think I’ve seen her smile once since she lost you – not in a real way anyway. She’s miserable without you. Please.” I’m begging by now and it seems to work. Hook’s face softens and I can see how much he tries to hold back his tears. He never wants to see her sad, which is why I had to use this. Even if it hurts both him and I.

I start walking and pull him after me towards the docks.

“I have to leave for school now, and you have to go to mom. Now. Please.”

“Okay, Henry.”

“Promise?”

“On my ship.”


	9. Chapter 9

**~~~ EMMA‘S POV ~~~**

 

 

My mind slowly slips back into consciousness. I keep my eyes closed, but then I notice something weird. Something inexplainable actually.

 

There is an arm wrapped tightly around my middle. I feel someones steady breath on my neck. What the hell?!

 

I open my eyes quickly and look around confusedly. I do am in my room. How did I get here again?

 

And worse, this also means that there is someone in my bed.

 

For a second I think, that these past five years might‘ve just been a nightmare after all. A nightmare I finally woke up from. There is no one besides Killian, who would sleep in my bed, right? Not if they value their life. I would never let anyone besides Killian close to it. He’s welcome though. I mean he does live here.

The only problem with that theory is though that Killian never got to sleep in this bed. It might be ours, but he died before we ever lived in this house. He only chose it, so that we could have a white-picket-fence life. Aka the future we never got to have. The future we deserved to be honest.

Then I suddenly remember the previous day - single images coming back to until I finally remember every single detail.

 

It was the fifth anniversary of Killian’s death.I was obviously very upset and missed my true love more than I already miss him any other day. My defenses were down and I also might’ve had a little bit too much wine, so I never kicked Carter out last night. He picked me up from the sheriff’s station because my mother send him to check on me.

 

We hung out a little at my place since I couldn’t convince him, that I’m better off alone that day - or any day actually, but I’d never tel him that. He is a good friend after all, so wouldn’t hurt his feelings like that.

 

If I remember correctly, I never even went to bed. I fell asleep on the couch, which means...Carter must have carried me here and changed me into my pajamas.

 

Oh, god.

 

I slowly slip out from under Carter‘s arm, before literally sprinting out of my room - careful not to wake him up though. I can’t face him. I need my space, which is why he never should´ve stayed here.

 

I take a deep breath once I get to the kitchen.

 

I’ll never drink again. I can’t ever let this happen again. I just can’t.

 

Sure, Carter has been my...boyfriend, I guess...for quite some time, but I’m not ready for this kind of commitment - letting him sleep here and waking up in his arm. He can’t just stay here, whenever he feels like it. I don’t ever want to wake up next to him again. I don’t ever want to wake up next to anyone but Killian.

 

Maybe, this gives me the perfect opportunity to break up with him. I’ve been meaning to do so and now i finally have a reason to be mad at him.

 

But I’m also not quite ready for really being single in my mother’s presence again. She might give me a week or so to move on, but then she’ll be back to matchmaking me with literally every single guy in town. I don’t want that. It’s the only reason I started spending time with Carter in the first place. It’s not like I ever had the slightest bit of feelings for him. He’s a nice guy and all. I do somehow enjoy his presence - with him as my friend - but that’s all he is to me.

 

And now he has broken the rules of our relationship. Sure, they were never spoken out loud, but he should have known I wouldn't want him to stay here. I never let him do so before and I also never stayed at his place, so why would I change my mind on the anniversary my true love’s death?

 

Just because he thinks, that we should get married and live together, doesn't mean that I agree with that.

 

And he’s aware of that since I rejected his proposals every single time.

 

Suddenly, two arms wrap around me from behind and a kiss is being pressed onto my cheek.

 

“Good morning, sweetheart.” Carter whispers into my ear and once again I have to stop myself from visibly flinching at that pet name.

 

I pull away from his embrace, intending full well to bring up why I’m mad at him, but before I can say a word, the door bell rings.

 

“Excuse me, I have to get that.” I say. Then I leave the kitchen and Carter behind to walk to the door.

 

Who the hell would visit me this early? It’s barely 8 o’clock. I’m usually not even awake this early - except for when Henry is here.

 

Oh, god.

 

Is it Henry? Is he alright?

 

I reach the door in record time after that thought and swing it open. As soon as I see who it is, The doorknob leaves my hand and the door crashes into the wall. I suck in a sharp breath and feel tears forming in my eyes.

 

The door might’ve damaged the wall judging by the sounds it made. But I don’t really care about that.

 

I wouldn’t care about anything right now because what I’m seeing can’t be real. This is too good to be true. The best thing to ever happen to me.

 

In front of my door stands Killian.

 

For a moment I actually think, that I’m seeing things now - that I’m crazy and should be checked into the mental hospital, that Archie runs, but then Killian begins to speak.

 

“Swan.” he says quietly with a bright smile on his face.

 

He’s back. How is this possible? How is he here?

 

Honestly I don’t really care about the how’s. I’m just glad he’s back.

 

I’m about to run into his arms and never let him go, but that’s the moment I feel two hands on my hips, pulling me backwards. Then Carter presses a kiss to my cheek.

 

“Who’s our visitor, honey?” He says and I once again feel like punching him.

 

How dare he act like this is his house, too. It’s not and it’s never going to be. And the stupid pet name again. I hate it and especially I hate the expression he caused on Killian’s face.

 

My true love looks at me with sad eyes - honestly his whole body screams hurt and sadness. I just want to hug him and never let him go. An protect him from any negative force in this world.

 

So, that’s what I do.

 

I step forward and pull Killian tightly into my arms. I put my head in the crook of his neck and press a soft kiss to his pulse point, which is indeed moving. He really is alive. I sigh in relief. This is real. He is real.

 

I then breathe in the scent, that I‘ve missed so much - the sea mixed with a little rum. As I do that, the tears begin to flow down my cheeks like my eyes are the Niagara Falls. And for the first time in five years I cry out of joy, instead of pain and loss.

 

My true love came back to me and I’ll never let anyone take him away from me again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically just the previous chapter in Killian‘s POV instead of Emma‘s. Sorry.  
> But there do is a little bonus at the end *wink, wink*

**~~~ KILLIAN‘S POV ~~~**

 

 

I take Henry‘s wish to heart and make my way towards my Swan‘s home - our home to be more precise. At least that’s what it used to be or what it was supposed to be, actually. We never got to live there though since I died before Swan could ask me to move in. I didn’t really treat her too well right before I died either, but that’s because she turned me into a dark one. So, it was obviously complicated.

 

That doesn‘t mean though, that I enjoyed hurting her. That I have no regrets about it because I do. I did every single day I was in the Underworld. Reliving every single moment I made her sad and cursing myself for it. The memories plaguing my every dream.

 

Sure to be honest we both weren’t at our best then. Swan was still better though, but that doesn’t change, that we both made mistakes. Even if she hardly made any. She only used her dark magic to save the people she loves, while I plunged in headfirst in a second for revenge.

 

With me being back, I thought we could fix those mistakes. But we can’t since Emma has moved on. I’m too late. And who knows, if she would’ve forgiven me for all that I did. Maybe she even realized, that I was never good enough for her and that’s what allowed her to move on from me.

 

I still don’t really know how to feel about all of this since I do really hate it. I just want my Swan back, and now I can’t. But also can I really blame her? She thought I was gone for good. It’s actually pretty great for her since it means she never closed off her heart again - not completely. I’m immensely proud of her for that.

 

Not that I doubted her in any way. She is bloody amazing and I know that. She‘s actually the strongest person I know, which this whole situation just proves once again.

 

She didn‘t let losing her true love defeat her. She fought back and moved on. She saved herself.

 

...

 

As I near the house and it comes into view, I start getting extremely nervous. I don‘t even know why. I saw her already and I can‘t remember being this freaked out yesterday.

 

Maybe, it‘s the knowledge that she‘ll see me, too, today. She‘ll know that I‘m back and I don‘t even know how to react to seeing her. Just yesterday, I would‘ve ran to her and swung my arms tightly around her, before kissing the breath out of her.

 

But now I obviously can‘t do that because she‘s with that weird guy. And I suppose I have to accept that. No matter how much I know, that she should be with me instead.

 

As soon as I knock on her door, that‘ll be it. I won‘t be able to avoid her this time just because I‘m sad about losing her. I‘ll have to get over it this time and stop hiding.

 

I take a deep breath, collecting all my thoughts and to be honest all my bravery, too. This is hard - meeting up with Swan again without knowing whether she‘ll even want to see me. Sure, Henry says she does, but that doesn‘t mean he‘s right. He‘s also a little biased in the thing since he doesn‘t seem to be too fond of Swan‘s...boyfriend.

 

Even thinking it seems so wrong. That should be my title and not his.

 

I eventually ring the doorbell and step a little away from the door again. For a moment I debate whether I should just be leaving - I shouldn‘t be here, she doesn‘t need me anymore - but that‘s when the door swings open.

 

As soon as Emma‘s eyes meet mine, she lets the door crash into wall. Her mouth falls open slightly and she completely freezes. There are tears forming in her eyes.

 

“Swan.“ I say, while looking at her and giving her a big smile. I didn’t really get a good look at her yesterday since we weren’t in the same room and I just wanted to run away then because it just hurts too much to see her happy with someone else.

 

Bloody hell, though, she is even more beautiful than I remembered, I realize as I take her all in. She’s actually about to move towards me, until someone stops her.

 

The guy from yesterday appears behind her and puts his hands on her. He also kisses her on the cheek.

 

My hand forms into a tight fist and I have to control myself so hard not to punch the guy in the face. I hate him so much. He took away my Swan.

 

“Who’s our visitor, honey?” He says to Emma, while staring at me with a glare on his face.

 

Bloody hell. The guy lives here?! In our home?!

 

The desire to kill him just grows and grows.

 

I guess that’s it then. They really are that serious. Why didn’t Henry mention this?

 

Until now, I always had hope, that maybe this relationship isn’t that real and that Emma might only pretend to love him, so that her mother will leave her be. But that’s not the case, is it?

 

Swan would never let anyone move in with her, if she isn’t serious about them.

 

Hell, she was even hesitant about us moving in together. It scared her and we’re true love. So, her living with this idiot must be a big deal. She must love him a lot, which means I have no chance.

 

I really did lose her.

 

I’m about to turn around and leave, when suddenly Emma runs into my arms. She hugs me tightly and it only takes me a second to return the favor. If this is the last hug I‘ll get from her, I intend to make it count.

 

Her face is once again buried into the crook of my neck and I feel her lips on my pulse point a second later. For a moment, it feels like no time has passed at all and this is just a normal hug we share multiple times a day.

 

I wrap my arms around her tighter as I feel her tears on my chest. My hand lightly brushes the tips of her hair and her back, trying to soothe her light sobs.

 

It feels like we stand there forever, holding on to each other for dear life. That is of course, until someone clears their throat from the doorway.

 

We let go of each other reluctantly - Emma stays right by my side though, our arms still touching.

 

I glare at her...boyfriend...as he glares at me with crossed arms, acting like I’ve done something wrong. I hate him even more now. He doesn’t get to decide whether Emma hugs someone else or how long she does so.

 

He’s not her boss or anything like that, so he should’t disrespect her like that. That’s just bad form, you possessive jerk, I think to myself.

 

“Who’s your friend, sweetheart?” He says cold, reaching for her hand to pull her towards him.

 

That’s when something in me snaps and I stand in between them, punching him with all my strength.

 

He falls back on the steps then, holding his hand to his bleeding nose. I can’t even begin to feel sorry for him. He deserves far more punches, to be honest.


	11. Chapter 11

**_~~~ EMMA‘S POV ~~~_ **

 

 

Oh, shit.

Killian just hit Carter in the face. Pretty badly as far as I can tell since my soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend is lying on the steps, holding his hand tightly to his bleeding nose.

On a second glance, he also seems to be very close to crying. My dear pirate really has quite the strong right hook. Or Carter is just very sensitive and weak. Maybe both is the case here.

That‘s probably one reason why we never would‘ve worked out - not even if Killian wasn‘t back. Carter is a bit of a weakling. We’re polar opposites and that might seem like a good quality for relationships in movies, but in real life not so much. It never really works out there.

We just have nothing in common, which might be why I dated him for the past few years and not someone else. He’s just someone, that I was never in any danger of falling for.

If the friend zone was a person, it’d be Carter.

Killian and I, who share such similar pasts, are a better fit. We’re a great couple. Our past somehow bonds us. We’re like kindred spirits in a way.

So, I suppose I have to find a way to break up with Carter now. I just don’t know how. I don’t want to hurt him since we are friends after all. And he’s a nice guy, so I don’t want to be that mean bitch either.

I should probably do it in a quick and painless matter – pretty much like ripping off a band-aid. That’ll only hurt him for a second and then it’s okay.

He also probably expects this. That should help, too.

I told him about Killian often enough, so he’s aware, that Killian being back is the end of us. At least I hope so.

I turn to Killian and approach him. I take his hand in mine and give it a light squeeze. “I’ll meet you at your ship in a little bit, okay?” I say softly. I don’t want to be separated from him again. Not yet. We have just reunited after all, but I also know, that for what I have to do, Killian shouldn’t be here. It’ll be better for everyone involved if I deal with Carter on my own. I don’t want Killian and him to get into another fight after all.

“You sure, love?” Killian says to me in his protective voice. I love it when he’s worried about me since no one ever did for most of my life.

I nod. Not trusting my voice at this moment. I’d probably tell him to stay otherwise.

He smiles at me and walks away, looking back at least five times on his way to the street. I keep my gaze on him steadily for as long as possible. 

When Killian is out of sight, I slowly turn to Carter. He’s standing by now, but still clutching his nose tightly with his hand. It should be okay by now, right? He’s just overreacting.

I walk up to him and push him into the house lightly. “Let’s fix that bleeding nose of yours.”

As soon as I walk into the house, I go to the kitchen to get some paper towels. I give one to Carter to put on his bloody nose. He takes it and wipes the blood away. There isn’t any blood flowing anymore.

“Who the hell was that guy? Why did he hug you so long? Are you cheating on me? With that guy?” Carter says angrily. His voice is full of disgust.

“That was Killian…” I say, still not being able to fathom, that he really is back. That we get to have our happy ending after all.

My true love came back to me and now I’ll never let him go again.

“Your dead ex-boyfriend Killian? So, when you said he’s dead, you lied to me? For all this time?” Carter seems confused now. Not less angry though. I’m not good at this whole letting him down easy thing, am I?

“I didn’t lie to you. He was dead, but now he’s not anymore.” I say quietly.

Carter laughs.

“Are you really that naïve, Emma? People don’t come back from the dead – not even in this crazy town. That guy obviously faked his own death – “

I interrupt him. “Killian wouldn’t do that. He was dead, okay? I watched him die. I was the one, that stabbed him to death.”

Tears are building in my eyes. He might be back now but thinking back to that moment from five years ago still hurts immensely.

Carter takes a step forward and puts his hands on my shoulder. “Babe, I know it might be hard to hear this now, but the guy lied to you. He didn’t have the guts to break up with you, so he pretended to be dead. He’s a coward, who doesn’t deserve you. He’s probably just back because he got bored. But you can’t trust him again. He walked out on you once and he’ll do it again without a second thought.”

I glare at Carter.

He couldn’t be more wrong.

The person he’s describing is not Killian. He’s better than this. He loves me and would never hurt me voluntarily.

“You’re wrong Carter. He won’t ever hurt me. He loves me and…I love him.”

Ripping off the band-aid.

Carter’s face changes in an instant to sadness.

A tear slips down my face. I never intended to hurt him, but I also can’t keep lying to everyone. I don’t love Carter. I never did.

“So, you’re giving up on us for that guy?” He says. His voice laced with disappointment and a little bit of anger.

“I’m sorry.” It’s all the answer he needs. I take a step back from Carter and look at the door, indicating that he should leave now.

He does start walking, but not to the door.

A moment later he has his arms on my shoulders again.

“Don’t do this, Emma. I love you and I’ll never hurt you. The same can’t be said for him. He’s a pirate after all. He’ll be with you for a little while until he gets tired of you – and then he’ll leave you again.”

“You don’t even know him.”

“I know enough. And even if you give up on us right now, I won’t, okay? We’ll be together again. This isn’t the end, Emma. I’m going to save our relationship.”

Damn. I was hoping that it would be easier. Why can’t he just let me go? It was never a problem for anyone else…

I wanted to avoid saying this, but I suppose I have no choice.

“Listen, Carter, there is nothing to save, okay? You’re great and one of the nicest people I know, but that doesn’t change the fact, that I don’t love you. I never did. I’m sorry.” I say.

“You’re just saying this to push me away. You’re trying to protect yourself.” Carter says, pressing a kiss onto my cheek.

I squirm out of his embrace and walk to the door. I open it. “No. That might’ve been me for the longest time, but all that changed when I met Killian. I’m sorry, Carter, but there’s nothing for you to fight for. You can’t make someone love you...”

I indicate my hand towards the open door and surprisingly Carter walks out without another word.

I close the door and slid down to the floor. I sit there for a while with my hands on my head, taking deep and calming breaths.


	12. Chapter 12

**_~~~ EMMA’S POV ~~~_ **

 

With Carter gone for quite a while now, I stand up. There’s no way he’s still hanging out on my porch, right? That’d be far too desperate. So, I doubt he’s still here. I should be safe.

He won’t get in my way now when I leave to go to my true love. I get my red leather jacket and I slip it on. Then I walk out of my house. The house that Killian and I will finally get to live in together. Now it’ll finally feel like a home to me.

Our future begins now and even though I expected that thought to freak me out once again, it really doesn’t. I’m ready this time. I don’t have any doubts.

Having lived without Killian for all these years, I noticed how much I never want to lose him again. I suppose that saying about only knowing what you have when it’s gone is true after all.

I get into my bug and start it. It’ll take me to Killian quicker than my feet ever would.

That’s exactly what I need right now. I need to see my pirate soon. It’s been too long. I don’t want to waste any more time.

Luckily as the Sheriff, I can drive as fast as I want without getting a speeding ticket for it.

 

***

 

I make it to the docks in record time.

I get out of my bug and literally run towards the Jolly Rodger.

Killian is waiting for me on deck. He’s standing at the railing and he’s looking out at the horizon – lost in his own thoughts. Why does he seem so sad and defeated? He’s back for good, right? And not just for a few more minutes?

I walk up to him. He doesn’t seem to notice though. That’s weird. Usually, you have to step on his ship with only one toe and he’ll know instantly. That man’s instincts are insane. Must be the pirate in him.

I sneak up on him and hug him tightly from behind. I press a quick kiss to his cheek. He quickly turns his head to look at me. Then he turns me in his arms and gives me a proper hug.

As I place my head on his chest, I hear his heartbeat. It still feels too good to be true. Killian is back and he’s alive again. At that thought, tears begin to stream down my face for the second time today. Well, it’s the second time I cry out of happiness.

Killian pulls away a little then and puts his hand on my cheek, wiping away my tears with his thumb. “Is everything alright, Swan?”

I look up at him with the biggest smile possible and nod enthusiastically. “Everything is perfect.” I press three kisses to his cheek, which causes him to giggle adorably. “How are you here?” I say. My voice sort of breaking from the crying, even though I’m not sobbing or anything. I’m not sad after all. Not at all.

The loss of Carter isn’t really something, that has the ability to hurt me. He’s not Killian. Losing him won’t bring me down as it did with my true love.

“I’m honestly not sur-“ He starts to say, but I cut him off by putting my finger onto his lips.

I realized, that on second thought I don’t really care about any of this. Not right now.

We can talk later. For now, we’ve got to make up for lost time.

I stand on my tiptoes and pull Killian’s head down to me. I crash my lips onto his in a passionate kiss. He puts his hand and hook on my waist and pulls me close to him. And then we get lost in each other as if we were never separated to begin with.

I missed his lips on mine. They still feel exactly the same – incredibly soft and somehow meaningful. He’s a great kisser. I haven’t been kissed like this for five years now and I missed it so damn much.

He walks us backwards a little, trapping me between his body and the railing. He moves his lips from my lips to my cheek and then down my throat.

“I missed you so much.” I sigh. The tears back once again.

Killian pulls away and looks at me with so much love, that I think my heart might burst any second. I peck his lips once more.

“I love you, Killian Jones, and I’m never letting you go again. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.” I say with the biggest smile on my face.

Killian grins at me and moves his hand from my waist to my hand, interlacing our fingers and lifting them up to kiss my hand softly. “I love you, too. Don’t worry, Swan, I’m not going anywhere.” He freezes at that. He takes a deep breath, and something is definitely on his mind. His expression saddens and he looks towards the floor, refusing to meet my gaze. “Unless you want me to leave.”

Wait, what? Why would I want him to leave? I just got him back. This is not what I want in the least. Not now and not ever.

“Hey…” I say softly, putting my other hand on his chin and lifting it up. Our gazes lock and I have to concentrate hard, so I don’t get lost in his eyes. Those I missed almost as much as I missed him. “I don’t ever want you to leave. Why would you think that?”

“Because of that guy…your boyfriend.” He almost chokes on the word boyfriend. There are actually tears forming in his eyes.

Oh, shit.

I never wanted to hurt him. But I can see how much pain the whole situation causes him. This pain he feels right now is all my fault.

I never should’ve dated anyone. Why the hell does my mom have to be so annoying?

Now my true love thinks, that I moved on from him, while he was gone. He thinks, that I’m in love with someone else. I really, really hate this.

I take his face into my hands and kiss both of his eyelids.

“He’s not my boyfriend. Not anymore.” I say through my own tears. It kills me to see Killian hurt. Especially knowing that it’s all my fault. If he was this sad because of someone else, they’d be dead by now. I wouldn’t show them any mercy.

“That’s exactly the point, Swan. You were happy with this guy and me being here ruined that for you. I caused your heart to break, even though I always thought it was my job to protect your heart. But I failed.” He says with a mix of sadness and a bit of anger.

“Killian, you didn’t break my heart. You fixed it. I was never happier than I am today.” I kiss him softly, but he isn’t reacting. I hug him tightly, before looking deeply into his eyes once more. “I was never in love with Carter, okay? My mother was just so infuriating with trying to get me to date again, so I sort of dated him to keep her at bay.”

Killian still seems hesitant to forgive himself, I suppose. He hasn’t even done anything wrong. I’m the one he should be mad at.

“I only love you. I thought about you every day we were separated and wished, that I could just see you once more. I would’ve done anything to get you back, even if it was just for a second. I wasn’t able to move on from us. I never wanted to because I could never love anyone as much as I love you. For the most part, I believe, that when you died, so did the piece of my heart, that is capable of loving people. I just wasn’t the same person without you in my life. I feel like the best version of my life will be with you – our future together. You’re the person I _truly_ love and no one else can compare to you.”

Killian’s expression softens over the course of my little speech. His eyes light up again and a smile slowly creeps upon his lips.

“I’m sorry, my love.” He says.

“No need. You and I both know, that I would’ve reacted exactly the same. Maybe even worse than you.”

We smile at each other and he pulls me back into his embrace, locking our lips in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Thank you for reading this story and also for your patience. The next two chapter are almost done, so the next two updates should come soon this time.


	13. Chapter 13

 

**~~~ MARY MARGRET’S POV ~~~**

I’m grading papers during a break at school when I see Carter walk by my room. He seems very sad and beaten down. What happened now? He’s a great guy, who deserves the best, so I better go check on him.

Maybe I can somehow help him. He is basically my son-in-law after all, so if anyone in this building deserves my help, it’s him.

I get up from my seat and put the papers back in my bag. Then I leave the room and catch up with Carter, who is about to walk inside his room, which is only a few doors away from mine.

“Hey, Carter. How are you?” I say worriedly. I give him a bright smile and we walk inside his room. We then both take a seat at a random table.

“Honestly, not so great.” He says sadly, avoiding my gaze like I’m some terminal disease. Did I do something wrong, now?

“I could tell. I was worried, so I came here.” I say, putting a hand on his shoulder to show my support. He looks up and gives me a weak smile. “Is everything alright with you and Emma?”

That’s the only thing I could imagine to be wrong.

I did send Carter to visit Emma at the station last night. She must’ve not taken it so well.

Yesterday was the anniversary of Hook’s death and she’s grieving worse on that day than usual. She isn’t completely over him yet and I just don’t get it. It’s been five years and she is doing quite well, so why can’t she just move on?

Carter is a great guy. In my opinion, he’s far better for her than Hook could ever be. He is handsome and nice. He gets along well with everyone in town. And of course, he isn’t a pirate. He has always been a good guy, unlike Hook.

Sure, Hook did change for the better after he met Emma, but I think she still deserves more than him. After everything she’s been through, she deserves to be with someone, who is one-hundred percent good. A hero like the rest of her family.

Hook always still had his struggles with darkness, so I can’t trust him as much with my daughter and my daughter’s heart as I can trust Carter. I mean as soon as he found out he’s the Dark One he literally almost got everyone in town killed. That’s not the definition of a person who’s changed for the better. That’s someone who’s still battling his demons – an unstable person.

Emma still blames herself for his death, but I know that it was his own fault. And it might sound a little harsh, but he kind of deserved it for what he almost did to this town.

Carter would never do what he did, so Emma should just get over herself. She should finally accept his proposal. Emma and Carter are great together. I can see how much love there is between them and I also know, that my daughter would make the most beautiful bride ever.

I’ll finally get to plan a wedding again. I missed so much of her life, that I’m quite looking forward to this. It’s going to be grand – everything my princess deserves. I already spoke to Carter about this and he agrees that it’ll be a great event with everyone in town there to celebrate their love.

“Emma and I aren’t fine actually. She just broke up with me an hour ago…” Carter says and clenches his fists.

“Oh my god, Carter. I’m so sorry.” I say shocked. I imagined that she might’ve pushed him away yesterday for obvious reasons, but this? This is a bit too much even for Emma.

Then it hits me.

She probably realized yesterday how much she loves Carter. She might’ve felt ready to move on and then she did the typical Emma thing and pushed him away in an order to protect her heart.

I think my baby might finally open herself up to the possibility of spending the rest of her life with Carter and it scared her. Her walls are back, which is something we cannot have.

I want her to be happy and Carter is the answer to that.

She can’t just give up on them. I can’t let that happen.

“Oh, Carter, I think I know what’s going on here.” I say and Carter looks at me with surprise written all over his face.

“You do?” He asks curiously.

“Yes. I think Emma got scared of love again. It’s just how she is.” I sigh. I wish I could take her fear of commitment away from her. All I ever wanted for her was a happy life and that would be easier to achieve without her walls. “You can’t give up on her, Carter. I know how much she loves you. She is just freaked out right now, but if you stand by her side through this, she’ll understand, that you’re not going to leave her. She’ll know, that she can trust you. You just have to be patient with her.”

Something changes in Carter’s expression. I can tell, that a plan is forming in his brain.

Good.

That probably means that they’ll be fine. I’m relieved.

I wouldn’t have wanted Emma to lose someone else. She lost too many people already.

“I’ll never give up on her. I love her and I’ll show her that. I’ll find a way to convince her, that our love is real and it isn’t something to be afraid of. I suppose sometimes you have to fight for your relationships, but in the end, it’ll all be worth it.” Carter smiles and I pat him on the shoulder.

“I’m glad. I think you’re the best thing, that’s ever happened to her. I would hate for her to lose you.” I give him a bright smile before I get up from my seat. “If you would excuse me now. I’ve got to check on my daughter. I heard, that she’s had a rough morning.”

Carter wishes me goodbye.

And then I leave. I go to the principle and excuse myself for the rest of the day – being the Queen of Misthaven certainly has its perks. I only had one lesson left anyway and Emma’s well-being is more important than that.

Then I make my way towards the Sheriff’s station. I need to tell David and recruit him to help me take Emma’s mind off things. We work best as a team and comforting our daughter isn’t an exception to that.


	14. Chapter 14

_AN: I know Mary Margret was acting very mean towards CS last chapter, but all that has a reason, which will be explained in a later chapter. She isn’t just doing that to hurt Emma or something like that. Nor does she personally have anything against Killian. Just wanted to let you know that._

 

 

**~~~ DAVID’S POV ~~~**

 

It’s a slow day at the station, so it’s a great surprise when my lovely wife walks through the door. It’s been lonely here all day. Emma called in this morning because she wasn’t feeling so well. Not that I expected anything else after yesterday. She hasn’t been here on this day in the previous five years either.

She’s still not dealing well with losing Hook. When he died, some part of her heart or even her soul died right along with him and there’s no bringing it back. The loss of him broke her and I don’t know how to help her with that.

It might have never been directly confirmed – at least not as far as I know – but I believe, that Hook was Emma’s true love. It’s painfully obvious, actually.

I remember the time when Neal died, and Emma might’ve been upset then, but not to this degree. And especially not for this long. Sure, it could be because she started dating Hook not long after and once that happened, she was happy again. But I can’t see that happening with Carter now. She doesn’t love him – not even a little bit. Sometimes I think, that she’s probably just with him to appease Snow.

My wife has made it her mission to help Emma move on. In Snow’s mind, that means that Emma should start dating again and after a while she did. She has been with Carter for quite a while now, but I don’t think he makes her happy. When she smiles at him, it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. I’ve also seen her flinch, whenever Carter touches her or shows even the smallest amount of affection. She doesn’t love Carter and she never will.

Her heart is still too wounded, and I fear, that that won’t change. Maybe she’ll grieve Killian for the rest of her life.

It’s been five years and she hasn’t gotten over the loss of Killian – not even a little bit. That pretty much proves to me that it’s true love.

I’m sorry for Emma. I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to lose Snow. It would be horrible. I don’t think I could get over it ever, either.

It’s actually surprising that most of the time Emma can still act like she’s fine. I know I couldn’t do it. My little princess is so incredibly strong.

I know it’s probably because that’s how she always lived – careful and invulnerable. But she shouldn’t have to feel like doing that anymore.

She has us now – me and Snow – and we’d do anything to help her deal with all of this.

The only problem is, that I have no idea how to help my daughter.

I wish there was something I could do, but there isn’t.

She’s just been trapped in constant grieve for five years now. My baby deserves so much better. Why couldn’t we just find a way to bring Hook back to life? Why didn’t Snow and I think of the heart split, when Emma realized she had to kill him?

All this pain could’ve been avoided if only I would’ve been smarter at that moment. I could’ve protected my daughter from all of this.

But I failed just like I failed to protect her when she was a baby and we had no choice but to send her through the portal.

I sigh and put my head in my hands, leaning on the desk with my elbows.

“David, are you okay?” Snow asks softly with lots worry in her tone. I totally forgot she was here for a moment. I was too lost in my thoughts about Emma.

“Yeah. I’m fine. I was just thinking about Emma. She called in sick this morning.” I say.

“That doesn’t surprise me.” Snow says.

Me neither. Like I said she hasn’t been here on this day for years.

“She broke up with Carter this morning.” Snow continues. I didn’t expect this though. I guess Emma finally excepted, that her own happiness is more important than her mother’s need to see her daughter dating someone. Good for her.

I know Snow means well, but I also disagree with her about the whole matchmaking situation. I think, she never should’ve pushed Emma to date anyone, when Emma was still so upset about losing her true love. That’s not something you just get over in a matter of a few years.

I never liked Carter to begin with.

He doesn’t make my daughter happy, so he doesn’t deserve to be with her. If he would’ve asked me for my blessing for Emma’s hand in marriage before he proposed to her, I would’ve definitely said no. Luckily, Emma shared my opinion on the matter – many times by now.

I don’t even get, why he keeps asking her all the damn time. Doesn’t he get the hint, that she has no intention of marrying him?

Emma deserves the best, and that’s not him. And as much as it surprises me myself, I think the best for her was Hook. I might’ve disliked him in the beginning, but he grew on me. And even more importantly than that, I know how much he loved Emma. She was his everything and he would’ve died for her. He did die for her – for the whole town.

He turned himself from a cruel pirate into a hero. That takes a lot of strength. But he took that challenge and mastered it completely without complaint. And all that he did for Emma. To make sure, that he’s good enough for her.

That’s just true love at its finest.

I’m actually quite proud of him and I definitely would’ve approved, if he would’ve asked me for my blessing. I also sort of just know, that he would’ve asked me first. That’s just the kind of person he is. A man who believes in good form. A gentleman, always.

He was everything Carter will never be – Emma’s true love, a good father figure to Henry and my best mate

“I think, we should get Emma some stuff from Sneezy’s store and then visit her to make sure she’s okay.” Snow says when I don’t answer for a while.

I nod and get up from my desk.

I put on my jacket and walk to Mary Margret. I kiss her forehead and then her lips softly before we leave the Sherriff’s station.

We go to the store and pick up some chocolate, flowers, and wine. Then we make our way towards Emma’s house. On the way there, Snow quickly picks up some grilled cheese with onion rings from Granny’s – Emma’s favorite dish.

When we get there, Snow gets out her key and we walk inside after unlocking the door.


	15. Chapter 15

**~~~ EMMA’S POV ~~~**

Eventually the wind on the Jolly Rodger gets a little cold and uncomfortable, so I put both my arms around Killian’s neck. I look deeply into his eyes and start talking. “How about we go _home_ now?”

I put emphasis on the word home to let him know, that he is welcome to live there with me now. It was always supposed to be our place after all. Killian and Henry looked for it with the sole intend of asking me to live there with them. It’s the future we never got and now with Killian back from the dead, we’re getting a second chance.

And I’ll intend to make every second count. I don’t want to have any regrets, in case something terrible happens to either of us one day.

“Sure, let’s go to your house.” He says, obviously not getting what I meant.

He begins to pull away to start walking to my car, but I stop him by putting my hand lightly on his arm.

“No, wait.” I smile at him. I secure my arms around him once again. He smiles at me and hugs me close to him, preventing the cold wind from attacking me. “It’s not just my house, you know. I mean you were the one, who chose it after all.” I shrug a little.

“Are you asking me to move in with you?” Killian has the biggest smile on his face, and he raises his eyebrow. I haven’t seen that in a long time. I really missed that eyebrow. I have to stop myself from touching it with my finger to sort of make fun of him. It’s just kind of adorable.

“Yes. I do have a lot of red leather jackets, but I suppose there is some room for some black leather.” I smirk and give him a little shrug. I press my forehead against his for a moment and then pull away. I look at him with big eyes and a smile. “So, what do you say? Will you move in with me?”

“Of course, I will move in with you, Swan.” He answers quickly. He smiles brightly and lets out a small laugh.

We’re both so happy right now. I just hope that’ll never change again, which is very unlikely. We live in Storybrooke after all. But for now, I don’t care. I’ll just focus on the good moments with my true love.

I smile at him in return, giggling a little bit.

I pull his head down to me by his hair and kiss him passionately. He lifts me up again and holds me close. When our lips part, he keeps me in the air, our foreheads resting against one another’s. “Let’s go home, then, my love.”

I laugh at the sound, which earns me another eyebrow raise.

“What’s so funny, Swan?” Killian almost sounds genuinely worried.

“Nothing. I’m just happy. I never thought I’d say or feel that again, but I am happy. Very happy. It still surprises me sometimes.” I hug Killian tightly, pressing a kiss to his cheek in the process of leaning in. I wrap my legs around his waist to hold him even closer.

Killian keeps me in his arms and carries me off the boat to my bug. He sets me down in front of my car and lifts up my chin with his hook, kissing me softly. I back up, leaning against my bug and Killian follows me automatically, caging me in between his body and the car. My hands wander from his back to the back pockets of his pants. I pull him closer to me. I run my tongue along his bottom lip and deepen the kiss. Then, I bite his lip gently and push him away a little with a big smirk on my face.

“We should go home now, don’t you think?” I smile brightly and Killian gives me an annoyed look in return like ‘ _Really, Swan?_ ’

I think I hear him mutter _bloody minx_.

I turn around and open the door of my beloved yellow bug with a victorious smile on my face. I slip inside.

Killian continues to look at me for a few seconds, but then he walks to the passenger side door and gets in the car himself.

“Ready?” I ask him and he instantly gives me a soft smile. He nods.

Then he puts his hand on my leg, drawing small circles along my thighs. I glare at him, but he just smirks.

“Two can play this game, Swan.” He smirks, moving his hand higher up.

“Do you want me to crash the car, tiger?” I put my hand on his and stop it. I’m not going to admit to him, that just that kiss and his hand on my leg drives me insane already.

“Well, you’re not driving right now…So, why not have some fun first?” He raises his eyebrows suggestively. He moves his hand further up teasingly.

 _Two can play this game_ , I think to myself.

I climb over the gearshift onto his lap. He lets out a surprised gasp. I smile and put my hands in his hair, pulling him to me and kissing him. I roll my hips into his, which makes both of us moan loudly. His hand grips my hip tightly, pressing me even more onto his lap. One of us is definitely starting to have a _not so little_ problem. I smirk, which breaks the kiss.

Killian kisses down my neck and I lean my head back to give him better access. I whimper at every single touch of his lips and tongue. My hips heavily grin into his. I almost get lost in the feelings, until I remember my actual plan.

I sigh – sort of disappointed, but I know I should stick to the plan. We shouldn’t continue this here – in my car in the middle of town. I don’t intend on getting interrupted after all. Or on Henry getting traumatised. He does come here often during breaks in school.

This was just supposed to tease Killian. I just didn’t realize, that it would also affect me this much.

Anyway, I put my hands on Killian’s cheeks and pull him away from my neck. I smile at him with a sort of evil grin and climb back onto my own seat. I don’t even look at him, but I can tell he probably has a funny expression on his face.

“What about continuing the enjoyable activities right now, Swan?” I can practically hear his pout through his voice.

“Don’t worry. I’ll make it up to you.” I say and start the car.

We drive off in the bug – still breaking the speed limit in a rush to get home.

We finally get there, and it felt like forever, when in reality it was only a few minutes.

We get out of the car and Killian picks me up again, carrying me to the door bridal style. I lock my arms tightly around his neck.

I chuckle confused. “What the hell are you doing?” I look into his eyes, running my hand along his cheek softly.

“Carrying you over the threshold of our ‘new’ house, of course. I think I saw that in some book about your world, that Belle once gave to me to adjust. There was something about bad luck for anyone who doesn’t…” He says. Now he’s also confused. Killian and modern culture are always so adorable to watch.

“Yeah, it’s a tradition. But this isn’t our wedding day. We’re not married. So, this…” I motion towards his arms carrying me, “…is totally unnecessary.”

“Well, we still live here together from now on. That might count, love.” He sounds very serious about that.

I angle my head and raise my eyebrows at him.

He continues. “We can’t use any more bad luck, Swan. Also, a seafaring man does not take superstitions lightly.” He’s almost angry now.

I chuckle. “Okay, whatever you think.” I peck his lips softly and smile brightly at him. I love him no matter what, even if he’s being silly.

So, I lean my head on his shoulder and let him carry me towards the door. Then I pull out the key from my jacket pocket and try to unlock the door. That isn’t as easy as I thought, but I eventually manage without having to leave the warmth and comfort of Killian’s arms.

My struggles obviously amused my pirate a lot, since he can’t stop laughing softly.

So, I decide to shut him up by crashing my lips onto his in a deep passionate kiss. It’s obviously a surprise to him at first. His legs begin to wobble, and I think we might fall to the ground, but he steadies himself quickly.

Without breaking our kiss, he walks us into the house, moving towards the living room. There, I drop my keys onto the coffee table.

Killian begins to set me down, but I put my hand on his and push it back to my leg.

I break our kiss just long enough to mumble “Upstairs” against his lips. He groans before pressing his lips back onto mine. He tightens his hold on me again and smiles lightly against my lips, making the kiss a little awkward for a second.

I put my hand on his head, so I can run it through his hair.

Then I register, that Killian walks us up the stairs. That’s also when I realize, that he’s never been here before – well here yeah, but not upstairs. So, as soon as we reach the top of the stairs, I take a pause from our kiss to give him directions. We wouldn’t want to end up in Henry’s room now, would we?

“Just go straight ahead to the room at the end of the hall.” I say, not even recognizing my own voice. It’s barely there because of a certain pirate having taken away my breath.

I put my forehead against his and put my hand on his cheek. I stroke his beard with my thumb and use the little timeout to catch my breath. We smile at each other and breathe in each other’s breath.

But soon enough, we dive back into our kiss and Killian walks to our room. I open the door and the instant we’re inside, Killian kicks it closed with his foot.

He sets me down and I push him back into the door. A second later I claim his lips with mine again, but Killian has other plans. He puts his hand and hook on my hips and switches our positions, so that I’m now pressed between the door and his body.

He trails his lips down my neck, lightly biting my collarbone before sucking on it. A moan escapes my mouth. I pull on his hair to reunite our lips.

Then I slip my hands under his leather jacket and push it down his shoulders. I’m honestly surprised he’s still wearing modern clothes after five years in hell. He looks so hot in them, too, so I’m glad. But right now, I’d rather see those clothes on the floor.

So, as soon as his jacket hits the floor, I move my hands towards his shirt. I start unbuttoning it.

All the buttons are undone. I hug him under the shirt and kiss him again as he lets the shirt join his jacket on the floor.

He moves his lips from mine to the place just below my earlobe. I shiver and let out another loud moan. Killian groans into my ear and whispers in a rough voice. “You’re wearing too much, Swan.”

That’s the only warning I get before he takes off my jacket and rips off my shirt with his hook. He unclasps my bra, which he surprisingly is quite good at despite having only one hand and a hook. I let it slide off my arms, onto the ground.

“Someone’s impatient.” I say, pulling off my hair-tie and letting my hair fall around my bare back.

“Could say the same about you, my love. To my defence, there was a bloody minx earlier, who rudely teased me.” He answers as he steps closer again and kisses me like his life depends on it.

 

Soon enough we’re both completely bare, lying on our bed. Killian hovers over me and looks at me with so much love in his eyes, while softly running his hand over my cheek.

“I love you, Swan, so much. I’ll never leave you ever again.” He kisses me softly.

“I love you, too.” I respond right as Killian hooks one of my legs over his waist and pushes forward. I let out a cry of pleasure. I put my other leg around his waist, too. I dig my heels into his butt, pushing him even deeper into me. That earns me a low groan from Killian.

Our lips hover over one another’s for a moment and we smile. I run my hands over his back, trying to reach every single piece of skin. We look deep into each other’s eyes, but I can barely keep them open. My need for Killian to move is too overwhelming – too intense. It’s been five years.

“Please.” I beg, before pulling Killian’s head down to mine and kissing him passionately. My hands abruptly stop on his back, nails digging into his shoulder blades as he begins to thrust into me. _Oh, shit_. I moan loudly as he moves his lips to my neck, sucking a mark into the skin just under my collarbone.

I start rocking my hips in time with his and he once again kisses my lips thoroughly.

Soon Killian starts switching between kissing me and whispering into my ear how much he loves and missed me as he moves inside me.

After five long miserable years we’re finally one again and not that long after we’re panting in unison, screaming each other’s names at the top of our lungs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone, who is reading this story. If you want updates on when I'll update next or sneak peaks, check out my Instagram stories at @/hopeduckling13


	16. Chapter 16

**~~~ EMMA’S POV ~~~**

My head is resting on Killian’s bare chest. I run my hand softly through his chest hair, which I never thought I’d find attractive, but Killian can really pull that off. His hand plays with my hair.

We’re both at total peace, coming down from our high. I wish it would never end.

I lean up on my elbow and kiss Killian softly. “You think we could get away with just staying here like this for all eternity? Like freeze this moment and live in it forever?”

He smiles brightly and puts his hand on my cheek, caressing it softly. “Probably not, Swan. Not in this town.”

I sigh, even though I was already aware of the answer.

“It’s actually been more peaceful, though,” I say. “Maybe we’ll be able to have a relatively normal life from now on.”

“I wouldn’t say no to that, love.” He puts his hand on mine, which is still resting on his chest. He softly caresses it with his thumb.

“I love you,” I say. “So much. And I’m never letting you go again.”

In the past, I never would’ve thought, that I’d ever be able to just tell someone that I love them without hesitation. Even five years ago, when I was definitely feeling it, I only ever told Killian about my feelings, when we were facing certain death. Or whenever we were on the cusp of getting separated for an unknown amount of time. I was scared, then. But I’m not now.

Seeing him die and missing him for five long years sort of put things into perspective.

Now, I know that saying those three little words won’t change a thing – not for the worse anyway. However, it does make both me and Killian happy. Very.

Love is indeed a part of all happiness and now, I’m open to that. My love for Killian is more intense than ever and I’m definitely not scared of it. Not in the least.

“I love you, too.” He intertwines our fingers and leans in to kiss me, but then my stomach growls loudly. I totally forgot that I haven’t eaten anything today.

I sigh and sit up. Killian does, too.

“I’ll go make us some breakfast at…” I glance at the clock on the wall. “Noon.”

Now that would be Henry’s preferred time for breakfast. I chuckle.

I get up from the bed and pick up Killian’s shirt and my panties from the floor. I put both of them on.

I turn to Killian and walk back to the bed. I climb into it and straddle Killian’s lap. I give him a quick peck. He pouts at me and rolls on top of me, tickling my waist. I laugh and try to push him away. He won’t budge, so I pull his head down to mine and kiss him.

That does the trick. It distracts him enough, so I slip out of bed. I continue to walk away.

“I must say, you look great in my clothes. They actually look much better on you than they’d ever look on me, love. But what am I supposed to wear now?” He raises his eyebrow.

“I have some of your old shirts in my closet. Just pick one of those.” I say. I’ll be wearing the one that smells just like him.

“Sure, love. I’ll take a quick shower and then join you downstairs. I really missed the running water in the Underworld.” He gets up and walks over to me. He pecks my lips and smiles at me.

I walk away then, making sure to put some extra sway to my hips to tease him. His gaze is definitely following my every move. I can feel it.

I have a smirk on my face the whole way towards the door. That will probably be a nice, cold shower.

If I wouldn’t be in need of some real food, I’d definitely join him in the shower.

 

 

 

Downstairs I get some pancake mix out of the kitchen cabinet. I also get myself a frying pan and other stuff I need.

I start to make the pancakes until I hear the door open. I take the pan from the stove and walk closer to the door. It’s my parents.

“Mom? Dad? What are you doing here?” I ask curiously.

They walk inside my kitchen and set a big basket and a bag from Granny’s on the desk. I smell grilled cheese and onion rings. Great! Do we have a twin thing now, where they just instinctively knew I was hungry?

In the basket is a bottle of red wine, roses, and quite a few chocolates in all kinds of flavors.

What the hell is going on? Is this supposed to be a care package? What happened?

Oh, wait! Shit! Mom probably ran into Carter and now she’s here to convince me to take him back. Well, that isn’t happening. I’m happy with my true love. I don’t need Carter in my life. I never did, no matter what my mom might think.

Both my parents pull me into an embrace.

My mother begins to speak first. “Oh, Emma. We heard about what happened with Carter. We’re so sorry, sweetie.”

They pull away again and mom looks at me with pity. Dad weirdly looks pretty much okay. He’s probably celebrating our break up in his head as we speak. He never liked Carter and I really appreciate that. He just seems to get me unlike mom. We understand each other.

Or it’s just the fact, that he’s so damn overprotective.

But I doubt that’s the case.

He also didn’t like Killian at first, but all that changed the longer we were together. But even after years, my dad isn’t okay with Carter.

I doubt that’s a coincidence.

“We brought you some things to make you feel better,” Dad says and motions towards the basket and the grilled cheese.

We have a lot to talk about, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have some onion rings first, right?

I grab the bag and inhale the scent of my favorite food. _So good_. I have to stop myself from moaning at the smell. It’s just so amazing!

I take an onion ring out of the bag and bite into it. Then I continue the conversation.

“I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine. Really. You don’t need to worry about me.” I bite into a grilled cheese this time. Maybe it’ll distract my parents and make them leave.

I try to get out of this conversation, after all. It probably won’t work. Not with Carter’s biggest fan being in this house.

Will telling them about Killian being back shut her up? I’m not even sure if she would be okay then. She seems to like Carter more, I think, which might be because they’re co-workers.

I just don’t get it? How can you support a relationship, that obviously makes your daughter unhappy?

“Emma, please, don’t shut us out again. You can talk to us.” Mom takes my hands in hers. “You’re obviously not fine. Your hair is a mess. Your skin is all flushed because you’ve been crying all morning. You seem exhausted. You’re eating pancakes in the middle of the day, wearing Carter’s shirt.”

Carter’s shirt? Is she blind? Carter’s style isn’t even half as sexy as Killian’s. He would never wear a shirt as amazing as this. He doesn’t have good taste, which is why he was always a safe choice for being my ‘fake’ boyfriend. There was never any danger of me falling for him because he’s just that boring.

“This isn’t Carter’s shirt, it’s Killian’s,”  I say matter-of-factly.

My mom sighs. I could swear she’s about to facepalm herself. This whole thing infuriates her, but I don’t care. I’m not giving Carter another chance. We’re over.

“Emma, honey, I understand you’re still hurt, but don’t let the whole Hook situation ruin a good thing for you. Carter is great and he loves you so much. He’s the best thing that ever happened to you. You must give him another chance. Don’t give up on the two of you just because it seems hard right now. Don’t get scared off.” She gives me a smile, which is probably supposed to encourage me.

But it doesn’t. I’m not scared of anything after all. Not anymore.

I don’t need hope speeches because Killian came back to me and that’s all the hope that I need. He’s all I need.

“I’m not scared, mom. I just don’t love Carter.” I almost yell.

Mom gasps and looks at me as if I killed her favorite puppy.

“Emma, you and I both know that isn’t true. You do love him. You’re just too scared to see it because you lost so much before. But Carter isn’t going anywhere, I promise. He’s going to fight for you no matter what. He won’t just abandon you like everyone else. He’s the perfect man for you.” Mom is angry now. I can tell even though her voice is still pretty calm.

Dad obviously sees it, too. He puts his hand on her back.

“He’s not perfect for me. We aren’t a good match. Not at all.”

“Of course, you are. You two are perfect for one another. And you make each other happy. What happened overnight, Emma? You were going to get married. And now, you tell me you suddenly don’t love him anymore?” She snaps.

Then I see movement. Killian.

He enters the room, coming to my rescue. My hero.

His face looks sad. I hope he didn’t have to listen to all of this. He doesn’t deserve that.

I smile brightly at him. At the sight of that, his gaze softens, and he gives me a smile in return. But he still looks pretty sad. He might be able to hide that from my parents, but he can’t lie to me.

I know him too well.

I hate my mom right now for making him sad. Now he’s probably doubting himself again and I’ll have to fix that. I won’t give up on us. No matter what.

I reach my hand out to him.

That’s when my parents notice, that I’m not looking at them anymore. They turn around and their faces look ashen in an instant. Their jaws hit the floor. That’s probably what I looked like this morning when I first saw Killian alive.

Killian approaches me and I put an arm around his neck. I kiss his cheek. I fish an onion ring out of the bag and feed it to him. Then, I put the bag aside for now, so that I can hug him properly. I wrap my arms tightly around his torso and I rest my head on his chest.

My dad is the first one to speak. “Hook? We thought you were dead!”

“Aye, I was, mate. But now I’m back.” Killian answers.

My dad steps forward and envelops both of us in a tight embrace. When he pulls away, he has the brightest smile on his face. “I’m glad you’re back, mate.”

My mom seems to have gotten over her initial shock now, too. She awkwardly pats Killian on the back and says quietly. “Welcome back.”


	17. Chapter 17

**~~~ KILLIAN’S POV ~~~**

When I walk down the stairs, I’m surprised to hear more than just Emma’s voice. Her parents are here, too.

I don’t want to impose, so I keep standing on the steps, waiting for the right moment.

That is until Mary Margret starts talking about Emma and her ex being such a great couple and them getting married. I just can’t bare the conversation from then on, so I walk downstairs and interrupt.

It works, too. As soon as I get down there, the conversation halts.

Both her parents welcome me back. David with open arms. Her mother seems tense though – like she wishes I wasn’t here. She probably wants me to go back to being dead.

And who could blame her?

If I had a daughter, I’d probably prefer her being with someone perfect, too, instead of a broken pirate.

But, I don’t think I’d make it that obvious. I think, as long as she would be happy, I’d be happy.

…

Now both the Charming’s are gone again, which leaves me and my Swan alone.

I sit on the couch, overthinking the whole conversation from earlier. What if Swan wasn’t honest and breaking up with that guy was actually hard for her? They did seem pretty close at the station and this morning. I don’t want to ruin a good thing for her. I can’t.

Her mother seems to think, that he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to her. So, she obviously doesn’t approve of me in a world in which Carter exists. That’s not going to make our relationship easier since until now, I did intend to marry Emma one day. But I won’t do that without her parents blessing. Seems like I won’t get that now. Not from Mary Margret anyway.

And who knows, maybe she is right about that. I am a pirate. Emma is probably so much better off without me. She should be with a normal guy, who isn’t villain.

I love her and sure, I want to be with her. But if she could be happier and safer with someone else, then I need to let her go. It doesn’t matter as long as she’s happy. That’s all I ever wanted for her.

Emma soon joins me in the living room and sets a plate of pancakes on the coffee table. She also still has that bag with her favourite meal. She sits down next to me and I can feel her eyes on me. I’m looking at the floor, trying to avoid her gaze since she can read me just as easily as I can read her – like an open book.

She then puts her hand on my arm. And I can tell, that she was able to read my emotions even without looking into my eyes. I guess I’m screwed now.

“How much of my mother’s rant did you have to hear?” She asks with fear in her voice. Or is it pity? I can’t exactly tell. All I know is, that Swan is obviously upset, which makes me sad, too.

“Enough.” I just answer.

“I’m sorry.” She sighs and runs her hand softly over my arm. “Hey, is everything alright? You’re acting strange again…” She lets her voice trail off with a lot of worry in it. I hate to do this to her.

“Aye, love.” I say, but I don’t even believe it myself, so of course, she won’t. She’s a freaking human lie detector. She’s bloody amazing.

A moment passes. Neither of us says anything. The tension is thick in the air. I can feel my Swan’s gaze on me.

Emma removes her hand and swings her leg above my body, now straddling my lap. She puts both her hands on the side of my face, tilting it up to look at her. “You can tell me anything. Is it all that crap that my mother said? It is, right? Because if it is, don’t worry. She’s wrong about all of it.”

“Is she?” I say sadly. “Because the whole thing about you just being too scared to open yourself up seems quite familiar, love.”

Why am I doing this again? Why am I pushing her away? I don’t even know. I didn’t plan it. The words just slipped out of my mouth. I suppose that conversation between Emma and her parents once again opened my eyes to my insecurities.

She sighs.

“I didn’t love Carter. How many times do I have to tell you that?” She snaps at me.

So, she’s getting angry now. I guess I have my answer then. She wouldn’t get so defensive about all this, if it was just something that is in her mother’s head.

So, she does love him in some way.

I was right all along. I know I should’ve just left to make this easier for the both of us. I was so stupid.

Or am I just making that up now to justify my own behaviour?

“You care about him.” I say quietly. It’s barely above a whisper, which might be because saying it makes it too real. Too final. Why the hell does this feel like a break up?

I don’t want to lose my Swan. I can’t. Not again. But I suppose I have no other choice now.

I can’t just pretend, that everything her mother said was wrong. Emma does deserve better than me. After all, I’m just a one-handed pirate with a drinking problem.

“I don’t. I promise. There’s no reason to be jealous!” Her voice breaks. A tear slips down her face. “I love you. Only you. You make me happy. He doesn’t. There’s nothing going on.”

“That’s not how it looked this morning, or last night.” I say.

I only realize my mistake, when it’s already too late.

Bloody hell. Now she knows I lied to her.

But oh well, maybe it’ll make it easier for her to accept the truth – the truth that she should care about that other guy. The truth that she did somehow move on from me during the past five years. I can’t really blame her for that, right?

“Last night? Wait, what?” She says confused. I see how she’s trying to understand, and as soon as she does her face hardens. Her eyes are filled with betrayal and sadness. I never wanted that. That’s why I didn’t tell her. But I suppose, secrets have a way of biting you in the ass.

I never should’ve lied to her. Now I have to tell her everything. The whole thing about me thinking about leaving Storybrooke. It’s going to break her heart.

It’s going to remind her of everyone leaving her during her childhood.

She’ll realize, that I’m not better than any of them.

I’m going to lose her because of that mistake. I don’t want that, which is quite ironic since I just tried to push her away moments ago.

I want to go back to earlier, when we were incredibly happy. For a moment it felt like no one can touch us. But this is Storybrooke. Trouble is designated. Especially when you’re dating the Savior.

I won’t continue lying to her. She deserves the truth. Even if the truth destroys us.

“You got here yesterday? And you didn’t tell me?” She whispers. My betrayal and lies sinking in.

She gets off my lap and sits down as far away from me as the couch allows. She puts her head in her hands, trying to hide the fact that she’s crying. She’s putting up her walls. That’s not good.

I debate, whether I should put my hand on her back. It just feels natural to comfort her, but I doubt that would help in this situation. Because this time she’s hurting because of me.

This is all my fault. Why did I have to act like a jealous idiot? I know myself we’re true love, so why push her about caring about other people. I should just trust her and know, that she’d never love anyone as much as she loves me.

I caused this, so I’ve got to fix this now.

I won’t lose her because of my idiocy.

I just hope that I’m not too late.


	18. Chapter 18

 

**~~~ EMMA’S POV ~~~**

 

He got here yesterday, and I didn’t even know. He obviously didn’t even want me to know. Otherwise, he would’ve visited me, right?

It just doesn’t make sense. Why wouldn’t Killian want to see me? He loves me, I know that without a doubt. He told me many times and I can feel it 24/7. He wouldn’t lie to me - especially not about loving me. He can’t fake his feelings for me. They just run too deep.

Not that he could lie to be about this since we’re true love. It was confirmed by that door in the Underworld.

The only reasonable explanation for everything is, that he saw me with Carter. But where? Please tell me it was only the Sheriff’s station. And not anytime in my home. I don’t remember much from last night due to quite some amount of wine. Alcohol mixed with my depressing thoughts yesterday isn’t a good combination, so whatever happened, it can’t be good.

All I can hope is, that Killian didn’t come anywhere near our house.

I don’t wish that on him. I already hate, that he had to see Carter calling me disgusting pet names and kissing my cheek. And just in general the fact, that he knows I’ve been dating Carter for the past few years.

I hurt him enough, so I want to spare him any extra pain.

I never should’ve tried to make my mother happy. Now all of this is coming back and messing with my relationship.

And the worse thing is, that my mother still seems to think, that Carter is what’s best for me. She’s messing with Killian’s head and his heart. I seriously need to pay her a visit and set her mind straight! She can’t just act like Killian being back is a bad thing. How crappy is that? Wishing your daughter’s boyfriend dead? Or even just wanting any good person to be dead!

I need to get her to stop talking like that before she gets her wish and breaks us up!

She’s causing enough trouble already. I can’t let it go on any longer. We’re going to have a nice little chat. As soon as I fixed this problem she caused.

Killian isn’t even back for a whole day, and we’re already fighting. That never used to be us. Well, except the Dark Ones phase, but I don’t count that. That wasn’t either of our fault. It was the darkness.

I just can’t take this anymore. Fighting with Killian is the last thing I want. It’s exhausting. It breaks me. I have to fix this.

I can’t lose him. I’d never forgive myself, if he’d walk out our door today. I just got him back.

I look up at Killian. He’s facing me with sad eyes.

“You’ve been here since yesterday? Why didn’t you tell me? Where were you?” My voice is still weak from the crying. I’m sure these won’t be the last tears for today, either. But this has to be done now. I can’t let fear control me.

I’m the Savior after all. I fought a dragon and countless other villains. I can do this!

I scoot closer to Killian again, needing his warmth to get me through this conversation.

He sighs and takes a deep breath.

“I got back yesterday evening. I went to the Sheriff’s station to check up on you, but Carter arrived a moment before me. I followed him. At first, I still had every intention to walk inside, but he gave you those flowers and hugged you. You looked so happy. I didn’t want to take that away from you. I didn’t want to complicate your life, so I went back to my ship.” He tells me, looking at me completely broken. His eyes search mine for forgiveness.

I caress his cheek with my hand in order to comfort him. Also, to tell him, that everything will be alright - that we will be alright.

Luckily he only visited the station. Good.

That is until I realise something else is off.

If Killian thought I was so happy, why did he come to my house this morning? Did he for a second accept, that I don’t have any feelings for Carter?

“And this morning you just suddenly changed your mind about wanting to see me? Not that I’m complaining, it’s just weird.” I ask.

He takes my hand and looks down at it. Squeezing it as if he’s trying to get strength from it. What the hell happened?

It can’t be that bad, can it?

“Actually, no. I didn’t. I’m sorry, Swan, but I intended to leave town. I saw you moved on and I didn’t want to reopen old wounds, so I thought it was for the best.”

My hand slips from his face. The tears spill once again.

Everyone always left me. First my parents put me through a magical wardrobe. Every single foster family I ever had threw me out like trash. Neal let me go to prison like I never meant anything to him. I probably never did.

I found my parents again, but it was too late. They just replaced me with my brother. At least that’s what it felt like ever since mom revealed her darkest secret. If it wasn’t for that, it’d be normal to have a little sibling.

Graham died and left me with that.

Walsh turned out to be a fucking flying monkey. On top of that, he tried to kill me.

Even Henry sort of left me by starting to favour Regina more and more.

No one ever stayed with me. I was never enough for anyone.

I always believed, that Killian was the rare exception. But now he intended to leave me, too.

That’s why he keeps acting like I’m in love with Carter, doesn’t he? He still wants to leave. He realized, that he’s better off without me.

I really am still that lost little girl, who doesn’t matter. Apparently, I have some big issues.

I can’t even manage to get my true love to love me forever.

Am I really that unlovable? Am I just that unfixable?

I’m sobbing hard, and suddenly Killian’s arms are snugly around me. He holds me in his arms, hand in my hair and kisses my cheek repeatedly. I want to push him away. I want to be angry with him, but I just can’t. Not physically and not emotionally.

Killian is my anchor. He’s the one person, that can always comfort me. He saved me in more ways than one, even though I’m supposed to be the Savior. I just can’t let go of him.

Hell, I spent five years grieving him and it didn’t get better for even a percent. People always say that time heals, but I never recovered a bit from losing Killian.

He pulls away from me a little, keeping me close with his hooked arm. He looks at me with sadness. There are tears in his eyes, too. He puts his hand on my cheek and starts to talk, kissing every inch of my face, except my lips, between words.

“I’m sorry, Swan. I’m so sorry. But please understand, that none of this is your fault. I didn’t want to leave – not ever. You’re the only thing in my life, that makes sense to me. Of course, I didn’t want to lose you. I just thought you loved him. I see now, that that was wrong. I was wrong.”

I lie my head back on his shoulder.

I continue sobbing into Killian’s chest, but the sobs begin to fade, eventually. His arms always have that effect on me.

He’s great at comforting me, but that doesn’t mean I forgive him.

I pull away and see that Killian still has tears in his eyes, too. So, I didn’t imagine them earlier. Besides that, his whole gaze just screams fear. He thinks this might break us, doesn’t he? Well, I won’t let that happen.

“Yes, you were wrong.” I say, my tone cold as ice. “You let jealousy get the best of you. Why would you do that, Killian? We’ve been confirmed true love! So, why would I want to be with anyone but you? How could you think, that anyone could compare to you even in the slightest?”

“I’m sorry, love. I never should’ve doubted you and I promise, that from now on, I’ll trust you completely.” Killian takes my hand carefully. I let him and interlace our fingers. “And I won’t ever even consider leaving again. Luckily, your lad talked some sense into me before I did something, I’d regret.”

I raise my head in confusion. “Wait. What did you just say?”

“Henry came by this morning to check on my ship. He saw me and well, convinced my that I should stay here. If it wasn’t for your lad, I’d probably be far away by now.” He looks down again, obviously embarrassed and sad at the same time.

I’m still mad at him, maybe even more because he really would have left this morning. He doesn’t seem to make this up.

But I put that aside for now, and give his hand a squeeze. My hand touches his cheek softly. He automatically leans into my touch. It’s still like second nature to us. It’s like the last five years never happened. Maybe that’s what true love is all about.

“I’m glad you didn’t leave.” I smile at him. His eyes meet mine. They’re still filled with sadness. He seems to be as angry with himself as I am deep down. He’s beating himself up about this.

Good. Regret means, that he won’t do it again. It means that he really is the person, that I’ve missed for five years. The person I love.

I know now more than ever, that we’ll get through this.

I peck his lips. Then, I lean my forehead on his and whisper. “We’ll be alright.”


	19. Chapter 19

 

**~~~ EMMA’S POV ~~~**

 

After our fight, we settle down on the couch. I’m cuddled against Killian’s side with his arm tightly around me. We eat the rest of the onion rings and then the pancakes. I must admit, that it’s a weird mix, but not exactly bad. I like it a lot, actually.

Throughout our meal, Killian and I talk about everything and nothing - clearly trying to avoid everything that we still need to discuss.

But I think we’re good for now. The fight seems to be over. That’s nice since I hated every second of it.

Now we’re okay.

At least that’s what I thought. That changed though as soon as I sense, that Killian is still tense, so naturally I try to make him feel better. I want him to be happy even if we have to argue again in order to achieve that. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.

“You’re forgiven, you know that right?” I ask him gently, running my hand over his leg.

“I’m not sure I forgive myself.” He says sadly.

That’s not a surprise, actually. I imagined, that something like this is still in his head.

That’s where you can see how much he redeemed himself. He isn’t overconfident like everyone else. He still doubts himself at times. He can admit when he’s wrong. Not many people are capable of that.

He always wants to apologize and try to right his mistakes.

Ultimately that’s the definition of redemption - not just stopping to do bad things but to actually make up for your past and be sorry to the people you wronged.

He might’ve been a villain in the past, but now he’s a real hero - my hero.

That’s also one more reason why my mother’s opinion on Carter being better for me is ridiculous. Killian managed to turn his life around for me. That shows incredible strength and commitment. I don’t remember Carter accomplishing anything even slightly similar to this!

“I never should’ve considered abandoning you. I don’t even know how I could have thought it’s a good idea. I know how it feels to lose you, so I don’t know how I could – “

“Shush.” I put my finger on his lips. “You wouldn’t have lost me. No matter what.”

I smile at him and move my hand to his cheek. I caress it softly.“Either me or Henry would’ve figured out the ship’s missing. I would’ve gone after it and then I would’ve found you. Finding the people we love is our family motto after all.”

I never would’ve let someone take away the second most important thing to Killian. I would’ve raised hell on whoever even tried, so I know my previous statement to be true. I would’ve been the pirate Killian thought I could be when we were trapped in the past.

Also, the Jolly Rodger always reminded me of him, so there’s no way I would’ve let it go without a fight. It’s where I spend many nights - especially in the beginning. Sleeping there made me feel safe - like as if Killian was still there with me. Now I know, that’s probably because he lived on his ship in the Underworld.

So, technically we spend many nights together on his ship. We just weren’t in the same realm. But the same place nonetheless.

“You would have gone after my ship?” He says while a gasp escapes his mouth. His voice is barely above a whisper. His face is all soft like he can’t believe anyone would do that for him. That must be how I looked like when he told me about trading his ship for me.

I smile at the memory.

That was the moment I realized, that I was falling in love with him. I started to trust him completely. I wasn’t afraid of falling for him any longer. So, it’s when I first noticed, that I couldn’t run away from my feelings for him any longer - that I didn’t even have any reason to.

“Aye.” I mimic. I chuckle. “Of course, it was your home. It was a piece of you – one that I could still hold on to. And it means a lot to Henry, too. He loves that ship. I don’t even know how much time he spent there during the past five years. He got quite good at sailing. It’s his favorite hobby. I think it makes him feel connected to you in some way. He missed you a lot.”

Killian raises his eyebrow. “He did?” He asks like it’s the most unlikely thing in the world.

He really doesn’t know, does he? He still thinks, I’m the only person in this world, who cares about him. But that’s not true.

There are many people, who love him a lot.

“Of course,” I say. “He loves you.”

Killian smiles shyly. I chuckle at the gesture. It’s just so adorable.

I gently run my hand through his hair.

“You know, that many people care about you here, right? It’s not just me, Killian. You have friends in town and my family is your family, okay? No matter how stupid my mother is acting right now.” I say.

He doesn’t answer. Nor does he look particularly convinced.

I continue. “I mean, you really grew on my dad. You’re like his best friend. And to Henry, you’re a great father figure. He never really had a dad - except for that short time Neal was in his life - but now he has you. Anyway, the point is you belong to this family. It might not be official, but we both know we won’t break up. Neither one of us is going to let that happen. So, you belong here and that won’t ever change, okay?”

He looks at me with puppy eyes and eventually nods. After a moment, a smile starts to form at the corners of his lips. He leans forward and pecks my lips softly.

“I love you, my love.” He puts his hand on my mine and removes it from his cheek. He kisses the back of it softly, before interlacing our fingers.

“I love you, too. Never forget that.” I smile brightly at him. I hesitate then but decide to ask anyway. “Are we okay now?”

He nods.

Then, he pulls me into his arms. He rests against the back of the sofa. I cuddle into his embrace and put my head on his chest. I lie my hand on his heart and my ear right next to it.

The steady beat of his heart soon soothes me into a peaceful sleep - a good one for the first time in five years.


	20. Chapter 20

**~~~ HENRY'S POV ~~~**

 

As soon as I get out of school, I make my way towards my mom's house. I'm sure Hook is there by now. After our conversation this morning, I doubt that he still he intends to leave town - honestly, I doubt he ever would have left in the first place. I think he only thought he would leave but never would've gone through with it. He just loves my mom too much for that. Anyone can see that.

Also, where would he have gone? All his friends and loved ones are in this town. And it’s not like he’s too familiar with the land without magic, either. If he would’ve left, he probably would’ve come back a day later at most.

Home is after all the place, that when you leave, you just miss it. At least my mom says that a lot and I think she’s right about it. Hook would’ve missed Storybrooke. Of that, I am one hundred percent sure.

I'm really excited to spend some time with mom and Hook, actually. I know that's weird since most people my age don't want to spend time with their parents, but he has been gone for five years and I missed him a lot. It'll be nice to have someone to go sailing with again.

I did sometimes take mom, grandpa or little Neal with me, but that was never the same. They don't care as much about sailing. It's just nicer to have someone with me on the sea, that enjoys it as much as I do.

Hook is definitely that person. The sea is the one thing, that he still has from his pirate days. He isn’t a villain anymore, but sailing stuck with him.

Another reason that I'm happy about his resurrection is, that my mom will finally be happy again. It's been so hard seeing her in constant pain and grief for the past five years. The worst thing was that I didn't have a clue how to help her. Especially because I was hurting myself.

I didn't even spend much time with her during these past five years, which was really hard.

I did it to protect her. I was always scared, that my own sadness would trigger her to feel even worse, so I kept my distance. That probably didn't help either, though. It just made both of us miserable. But I just didn't know what else to do.

I also clearly didn’t really want to hang out with Carter. I really dislike him. He isn’t good enough for my mom! He couldn’t even manage to make her smile once.

But still, that wasn’t a good reason for me to avoid my mom.

I was an idiot if I'm being completely honest. I caused my mom even more sadness than she already had in her life by avoiding her. And I thought it was what’s best for her. So stupid.

I’ve gotta apologize to her. And I need to make it big and amazing. Just got to think of a way, but that’ll have to wait since I’m arriving at the house right this moment. I’m going to hang out with my parents now.

I unlock the front door for myself and walk inside. I’m about to call out for them when I walk into the living room and see them cuddled up on the couch. They’re asleep with soft smiles on both of their faces.

They seem very peaceful and happy. I smile at the sight.

I make the decision to just let them be. They deserve this after everything they’ve been through.

I walk backward, trying to be quiet, but of course, I end up crashing into a plant on my way to the door. My mom’s head instantly shoots up at the sound. Her and Hook look at each other in shock. She turns to me with panic and sighs in relief as soon as she sees it’s only me.

She gets up from the couch and makes her way towards me. She hugs me tightly, cupping my head in the palm of her hand. She’s been doing that a lot. She must have adopted that from grandpa.

Mom then pulls away to look at me. She keeps her hands on my shoulders. “Henry, you almost gave me a heart attack.”

“I’m sorry, mom. I didn’t mean to wake you guys. I was trying to get out of the house quietly, but that mission obviously failed.” That must be the understatement of the year.

She shakes her head. “No, it’s okay. Why are you here, Henry? Is everything okay?”

She turns all serious and worried once again. I suppose that’s what I get for avoiding her for the most part of the past five years. Or it’s because we’re living in Storybrooke and there’s always a crisis to deal with. I’m sure as soon as we’re at Granny’s Leroy will come running with the latest issue he has.

Sure, there haven’t been many villains in town for the past few years, but the dwarfs never calm down. For them everything is a problem, that needs to be fixed by my family. So annoying.

“Everything’s great. I just thought the three of us could get some lunch at Granny’s.” I say.

Mom smiles. “Of course, Henry. That sounds great.”

Hook suddenly stands next to us, too. He smiles at us and pats me on the shoulder.

Mom and Hook then get their jackets and the car keys, before we make our way towards Granny’s.

 

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

**~~~ EMMA’S POV ~~~**

 

Me and my two boys have a nice late lunch at Granny’s. Henry mostly catches Killian up on everything that he missed during the last five years, and I just watch them interact. It makes my heart flutter, seeing the two most important people in my life get along so well. I missed hanging out with both of them. I’m really glad, that I’ll get to do it all the time once again - and hopefully for the rest of my life.

I know, that I will do everything in my power to make sure, that no one takes either of them away from me ever again. Other Savior duties be damned. I won’t put the town first anymore - not after what I had to sacrifice for it five years ago. So, if I ever have to choose whether I save everyone or my family, I’ll choose my loved ones. I can’t care more about everyone else’s happiness anymore - I have to put my own happiness first. The selfless Emma is dead.

I’m the Savior and from now on, I’ll take fate into my own hands. Starting with putting my mother’s mind straight.

So, when Killian and Henry talk about going sailing together soon, I see the perfect opportunity and I take it.“Why don’t you just go now? It’s still pretty early and the weather is perfect for a little trip on the Jolly Rodger.” I propose.

Henry smiles softly at me. “That sounds great, mom. Will you come with us?” He looks at me with puppy dog eyes.

I almost say yes because I do want to spend time with them, but I also know that I can’t right now. I have an important talk with my mom ahead of me after all - one that can’t wait any longer.

“No. I’m sorry, kid. I still have some errands to run. But you two have fun. I’ll come with you next time.”

Henry looks at me with a bit of sadness but soon gets over it as he starts talking excitedly about his and Killian’s little trip.

Soon, Granny arrives with our check.

Then, Henry gets up to the toilet before leaving and Killian and I wait for him in front of the small diner.

I interlace our fingers and hold on to his hook with my other hand. I look deeply into his eyes. “Make sure Henry wears a life vest. And promise, that you’ll both be back alive.”

Killian nods. “I promise, my Swan. I’m not going anywhere. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.” He gives me an adorable smile, before placing his hand on my cheek. I lean into his touch as he steps closer and places his lips softly on mine. It’s sweet and thanks to someone clearing his throat in the doorway also short.

“I’m ready,” Henry says from the doorway. He walks towards us and gives me a hug. “Bye, mom.” Then he leaves.

“Have fun on the ship,” I say to both of them.

“Don’t be too hard on your mother,” Killian says.

I look at him perplexed. How the hell did he figure that one out? I didn’t tell him - I didn’t tell anyone!

Killian smirks and pecks my lips once, before giving me a hug. “I told you, that you were like an open book, Swan.”

I scoff and he pulls away. He kisses my cheek one last time and then follows Henry to the docks.

I soon start walking in the other direction to my parents' place. I just hope dad won’t be there yet. It would be a lot easier to talk to just my mother for once. I don’t need peacekeeper David right now.

…

As I reach my parents home and walk inside with my key, I realize that it seems to be just mom. I sigh in relief.

She’s standing in the kitchen, baking a cake, and looks up as soon as she sees me enter. Something in her face changes instantly. Looks like she’s still upset with me or at least uncomfortable with recent developments aka my break up with Carter.

I walk towards her and take a seat at the kitchen counter. I look at her pretty coldly. But I just can’t help it. The way she acted this morning was just not okay. “We need to talk.”

“I suppose we do, Emma.” She says. “And now that we’re alone, you can be honest with me, Emma. Did Hook threaten you to break up with Carter or what the hell is going on?”

What the fuck?!

She can’t seriously be that ignorant to reality, can she? Why would Killian need to threaten me for me to be with him? And how the hell could she even think, that Killian would ever harm me? He clearly loves me a lot. He would never abuse me. It’s just not who he is. He’s a loyal person, who would do anything for the people he loves.

It’s one of his qualities, that I fell in love with a long time ago.

“No! Of course not! It was my decision. Why would you even think that?” I ask angrily? I’m sort of dreading the answer, but I’m also curious.

“What you and Carter had was great, Emma. I mean you were basically engaged and you were so happy with him. Everything was perfect. And then you just suddenly break up with him for someone who broke your heart before and will do it again? That makes no sense to me, Emma. He must have done something to you.”

Someone who broke my heart? When? When he died? Because that was clearly out of his control! He didn’t choose to die, well, he sort of did, but it was me or him, so he sacrificed himself for me.

That’s love - not betrayal. How can my mother just not see that?

Other people would love for their daughter to be with someone they can count on - someone who would always put their loved ones before themselves.

But she clearly doesn’t. She rather wants me to be with a boring coward, who cries like a baby just because he got punched in the face a little.

“He never broke my heart! Sure, I was obviously grieving him, but that wasn’t his fault. It was Hades’. And no, I wasn’t happy with Carter. Honestly, I didn’t feel anything for him. I was just with him because you put so much pressure on me to just move on when you should’ve known that I wasn’t ready for that!” I hold back a tear, that is threatening to stream down my cheek.

“It doesn’t matter, if he broke your heart without meaning to, Emma! Motives don’t matter in this case. All that does matter is that you were hurt because of him. And his death was his fault - not anyone else’s. He brought all those Dark Ones here to Storybrooke. We all almost died because of him.” She almost yells but manages to keep it down for my brother’s sake. He seems to be upstairs, watching some cartoon, judging by the sounds.

It’s actually quite funny, that she just ignore the fact, that I said I was only with Carter for her sake. She probably just believes that to be a lie, right? Wow, she really is naive!

“So, what? You didn’t die because of him. He sacrificed himself for all of you! He doesn’t deserve you being so mean to him! He hasn’t done anything to deserve that rudeness, and neither did I. You do realize, that hurting him hurts me too, right?” I can’t help my own sadness anymore. The first tear slips down my face. What have I ever done to make my mother not care about me at all? Was it Regina’s curse, which was probably my fault in some way, according to both of them.

Or what was it?

Why can’t she just love me like she loves my little brother?

Am I really that unlovable?

“Do you care about me at all?” The words slip out of my mouth before I can stop them. I once again sound like the lost girl, who didn’t matter and never will. I sigh. I don’t think I even want the answer to my question. It’ll just upset me further. She’ll probably just lie to me anyway, which just proves, that she doesn’t care. That she doesn’t love me much.

“Of course I care, Emma!” Her voice sounds soft now. I can hear her shuffling around the kitchen until I feel her hands on my shoulders. After a moment of hesitation, I look at her with uncertainty.

Does that mean, she’ll stop insulting both my boyfriend and my relationship now? Will she finally see that I wasn’t happy with Carter?

“Which is why I want you to be with Carter, sweetie.” Never mind. “He’s a great guy. He loves you so much and he’ll never hurt you. He’s a good person - unlike Hook, who is a pirate and a villain. Nothing bad will ever happen to him because he’s always been good.”

I let my head fall in both of my hands and sigh loudly in frustration.

“Are you really that naive? Bad things don’t only happen to bad people - as you should know!” I sigh again, looking for any sign, that she agrees. But there isn’t one. Not a single one. “I think you live in a black and white world, where there are only good and bad people and you’re the judge of who is good and who isn’t. It’s sad though, that you’re able to forgive Regina for all she has done to our family without having the least amount of regret, but you are not willing to give Killian - who fought so hard to become a better man and succeeded at that - a damn chance - not even for my sake. I’m not asking you to love him, I’m just asking you not to treat him like a jerk, and you can’t even do that for me.”

I get up and start to walk to the door. “I’m sorry for wasting your time. You clearly don’t give a damn about my feelings, which is a crappy quality for a mother. So, I should be on my way. You’re obviously not going to change your mind and I’m tired of caring about that. If you don’t want me in your life - the real me - then I suppose, I won’t bother you again. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life. Goodbye, mother.” I say coldly.

Then, I open the door and start to walk out, but just as the door almost shuts behind me, I feel a pull on it from the other side. My mother opens the door up again and looks at me sadly. “Emma, wait!”


	22. Chapter 22

**~~~ EMMA’S POV ~~~**

 

“Emma, wait!” My mother says, and opens up the door again. She looks at me with sadness in her eyes. She must be a good actress. It’s not like she’s actually going to miss me in her life after all. You can’t miss someone, you don’t give a damn about. “Don’t leave.”

I scoff. Is she being serious right now?

“Why would I stay? So, I can keep listening to you insulting the man, that I love? I think I’ll pass on that.” I turn around and intend to leave, but as soon as I lift my foot, my mother grabs my hand and pulls me back into the apartment.

“Emma, please stay. I’m sorry, okay? I was wrong. Now, please stay. I can’t lose you. I do care about you.” She says as a tear slips down her face.

“You have a crappy way of showing that.” I snap at her. I won’t just forgive her. I’ve done that too many times already. It’s got to stop. She’ll never learn otherwise.

A simple apology just won’t do. Not anymore. She had the chance to apologise earlier. It’s too late now.

She gives me an awkward smile and leads me to the couch with her hand on my back. We sit down.

“I didn’t mean all those things I said, okay?”

“Then why did you say them?” I ask angrily, not believing a word she just said.

There’s no way she didn’t mean all those things. That was just too much shit for her to have made it all up. And they sounded way too real. My inner lie detector didn’t detect any lies whatsoever.

“I was trying to protect you.” She admits and takes my hand in hers. I pull my hand away after a second though. That is the most cliché answer in the world. It’s what you tell someone, if you don’t want to tell them what the real reason is. I’d know since it’s what I said to Henry when he asked why I lied to him about his father.

The weird thing is just, that I don’t sense a lie right now. She must be even more delusional than I thought because how the hell would keeping me away from my true love protect me? That’s just ridiculous.

“Protect me?” I scoff. “We both know, that that’s not the truth, mother.”

“It is true, Emma. I did do this to protect you.” She says.

I have enough of this conversation. I get up, but of course my mother once again grabs my hand and tells me to stay.

“I had enough of this. I’m going now. I don’t need some half assed apology and some stupid excuses for your behaviour.” I say coldly.

“Just let me explain.”

I sigh and sit back down, crossing my arms in front of my chest. “Okay. I’m listening. You have a minute.”

“I want you to be with Carter because you don’t love him. If anything ever happens to him, you won’t get hurt - not as much as you did five years ago. When I saw, that Killian was back I was terrified because I don’t even want to know what happens, if for some reason you lose him again. I’m scared, that it’ll destroy you. I just can’t see you go through all of that pain again.”

Wow.

That actually makes sense. It doesn’t really excuse her behaviour towards Killian. You can’t just resent someone because you’re scared they’re going to die and leave your daughter heartbroken. But I can understand her a little better now.

It is very scary though to hear this from Miss Optimistic. If she is already worrying that this might only temporary, then how am I supposed to not worry every day. I mean, we have no idea why Killian is back - he doesn’t seem to know. We have no idea, if he’ll just be gone again as sudden as he arrived here.

I might lose him again, which is something I was able to just ignore until now. But now I realize, that it’s a possibility - one that makes a lot of sense, actually. At the thought of it, a single tear streams down my face. Soon, one tear becomes a hundred. And a few sobs escape my mouth.

I can’t lose him. Not again.

My mom faces me with worry, before pulling me tightly into her arms. I let her hold me. I lie my head on her shoulder once again just like I did five years ago and sob into it. She soothingly runs her hand over my back.

“You’re right. I can’t lose Killian again. I don’t even know how he’s here, and neither does he. I’m terrified he’ll just vanish as suddenly as he appeared here.” My sobs slowly calm down and I remember everything else that just happened. “But that fear won’t stop me from being with him. I won’t let anything or anyone” I look at her with a judgy face “come between us. Because _if_ I actually will lose him again, I don’t want to have any regrets. I won’t waste a second I do have with him - especially not because you love Carter so much.”

My mom sighs. She takes my hands in hers and looks at me with apologetic eyes. I won’t like whatever she’ll say now, will I?

“I do care about Carter. He is my colleague and my friend. And I suppose for a while I did think, that he made you happy because that’s what I wanted to be believe. I was being stubborn and I’m sorry about that. And I’m also sorry about making you feel like you had to date someone to make me happy.”

I find that hard to believe. She was always a person, who just wanted to set me up with everyone - even before she knew that we were related.

“Are you sorry though?” I ask.

“Yes, Emma. It just broke my heart to see you in pain. The worst thing was that I had no clue how to help you. That’s the only reason I did all of this.” Another tear runs down her cheek.

“So, you thought that setting me up with random guys would somehow make my pain go away?” I scoff.

“I thought it might make it easier for you to move on. That it might open your heart to love once again.”

I shake my head slowly. “That never would’ve happened. I would’ve never been able to just move on from Killian.”

“You don’t know that, Emma. There are other guys out there besides Killian. Before you met him, you didn’t think you’d ever fall in love again, either.”

Seriously? Will she ever stop? Why can’t she just accept, that I love Killian and no one else. And that that won’t change no matter what.

“That’s not the same! Back then, I had my walls up because I was hurt and swore myself never to trust anyone with heart ever again. For the past five years, I didn’t stop dating for that reason. I just knew what I wanted then, and that was Killian and Killian only. I knew, that I would never love anyone the way I love him, so excuse me for not wanting to settle for less than that.” I say. Judging by my voice, I’m angry once again. By now I don’t even notice anymore. I might’ve never calmed down to begin with.

“Maybe you would’ve fallen in love again with someone. And you would’ve loved them just as much as you love Killian.”

“No, I wouldn’t have. Killian is my true love, so yeah, no one can compare to him.” I have a small proud smile on my face now. I never told anyone about our true love - I just couldn’t bring myself to do it after I lost him.

If he would’ve come back with us from the Underworld, I surely would’ve ran around town with a big sign announcing it to anyone. That’s just how happy I was, when I found out about Killian and I having true love.

“Oh my god, Emma! You never mentioned that! How do you know?” Mom smiles brightly at me. She even has some tears in her eyes. Maybe I should’ve just lead with this argument. It might’ve spared me a lot of time and energy.

“We found out in the Underworld. When we went to get the Ambrosia. There was this door and a scale. It said that only a heart filled with true love can pass. I put my heart on the scale and suddenly I was in pain, so I told Killian to get my heart off that thing. But as soon as he tried, he went up in flames. And well, I jumped on him to save him instead of getting my heart. And then the fire was gone and so was the pain. The door opened a second later.” I smile at the memory, until I remember having to say goodbye to Killian like half an hour later. “But Hades had already destroyed the ambrosia, so I had to say goodbye to Killian not long after, which is why I never told anyone. It would’ve hurt too much to talk about it.”

My mom pulls me back into her arms now and I hug her back. I need this right now. The memories are just too dark.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Emma. And also that I was so negative towards your true love.”

“Does that mean you’re going to apologise to him?”

“Yes. I will. I promise.”


	23. Chapter 23

**~~~ EMMA’S POV ~~~**

 

My mom still has a long way to go on the road to forgiveness, but for now I won’t push it any longer. She promised that she’ll apologize to Killian and I must trust that she will. Now isn’t the best moment to continue fighting anyway since I start to feel small arms enveloping me from behind.

“Why is sissy sad?” My little brother asks sadly, putting his chin on my shoulder. I can tell that he is shedding some tears as well. Damn. I never wanted him to be sad.

I turn around and give him a little smile.

My mother lets go of me, so that I can pull Neal into my arms. I hold him close to me. “I’m not sad, kiddo. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” I press a kiss to his head. His mood seems to brighten instantly. He looks up at me and giggles.

I give him a smile in return.

Then he jumps up from the couch and pulls on my hand. “You need to see my new toys, that Henry got me yesterday.”

New toys? Huh. Technically Neal’s birthday isn’t for another week and a half. Henry shouldn’t spoil him so much - even if most of the toys usually once belonged to him before.

I get up anyway, and let myself be pulled to Neal’s room.

As soon as we get there, I see a tiny pirate ship with six tiny people on it - they look just like my family, too. My parents. Henry. Neal, himself. Me. And Killian.

My little brother sits next to the ship and holds it up in the air towards me, full of pride. I smile down at him and sit down next to Neal.

“That‘s awesome, kid.” I say to my little brother and he gives me a bright smile.

“It’s us on a pirate ship!” He tells me loudly in total excitement.

“I see that.” I just don’t really know how Henry got these for him. He surely didn’t have any of this. Maybe he asked someone with magic for help…

He begins to focus his attention back to the ship and picks up the miniature version of Killian. He gives it to me and looks at me with sadness on his face now. “Is that Henry’s dad Captain Hook? The one he always tells me about, that has left town?”

I give my brother a sad smile, suddenly remembering once again, that until this morning, I never thought that I’d see Killian again. I was so miserable and apparently that made my brother miserable, too, even though he doesn’t even remember Killian. They only knew each other when he was still a baby after all.

But now that’s going to change since Killian is back.

“Yeah, that is Captain Hook.” I say with a bright smile once again.

“He doesn’t look like Captain Hook.” My brother says confusedly.

I chuckle. He really doesn’t. My pirate is much more dovishly handsome as he likes to put it. One of these days, I should totally show him how my world sees Captain Hook. It’s certainly going to be entertaining.

“No. He doesn’t. But Disney got quite some things wrong as you know, kiddo.”

“Sissy doesn’t seem sad, that I mentioned him. Henry said, that sissy is sad about him leaving town forever.”

I suppose Henry told Neal, that Killian left town, instead of telling him that he’s dead. That’s probably for the best since I wouldn’t want to explain to my little brother, that my boyfriend got resurrected. He’d ask a million questions, that I would have no answer for.

I don’t even understand how Killian can be back on my own after all. So, how am I supposed to explain it to my little brother. I’m sure though, that we’ll figure out soon how Killian is alive again. We’re a great team and now that we’re reunited we can accomplish anything. And once we do figure it all out, I can finally start my happy beginning with my pirate without having to worry about him just vanishing one day.

“I’m not sad because he’s back in Storybrooke.”

Neal’s jaw drops to the floor and his eyes widen. “But - but Henry said he’s never coming back.”

“We all thought that, which is why I was so sad for a while. But now he’s back and everything is okay again.” I smile brightly at him and his face mirrors mine. I ruffle his hair softly and he ducks away. He gets up quickly and runs out the room, while he laughs loudly.

I shake my head with a smile and go after him. He descents the stairs and runs to my mother. I follow him, but keep quite the distance between me and mom.

Neal hugs her leg and looks up at her. “Mommy, sissy said that Captain Hook lives in Storybrooke now. Can I meet him pretty please?”

My mother tenses visibly, but nods after a moment. “Of course, sweetie.” She picks him up and presses a kiss to his cheek. Then she looks back to me. “Why don’t you and Hook join us for dinner later, Emma?”

That is going to be awkward as hell thanks to mom’s behaviour earlier, but if she’s trying to make a step towards forgiveness, I can’t really be mad at her for that, right?

“Okay. I’ll tell Killian and Henry once they get back from their little trip.” I say with a forced smile. It does give me a good excuse to leave though, which is good. I feel like I might suffocate, if I stay in this apartment a minute longer.

“They went on a trip? Just the two of them?” My mother looks at me with a little bit of judgement on her face. I really don’t understand her. First she says, she’s going to be nice to Killian and then suddenly she acts like he shouldn’t be left alone with Henry. She’s really complicated.

“Yeah. They went sailing.” I say coldly. Then I walk to Neal and press a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll go wait for them at the docks.”

I turn around and leave the apartment, inhaling deeply as soon as I’m out of it and the door closes.


End file.
